repharim -“You are the *best* person to intervene. You must get his trust back. Explain to him that he lied and really hurt your trust, explain to him that you understand that he gave in to his evil inclination and that you are there to help him. Don’t be stupid and avoid it until it eats your marriage inside out.”
I see no reason for her to say anything to him, if she doesn’t want to.
“Don’t be stupid and listen to these idiots who tell you to send him to a psychologist- THAT alone could destroy your marriage from the shame of knowing that you told other people.”
You have Not yet arrived in the 21st century. If the marriage will end after seeing a Proper good therapist -then this is probably the best thing. You and others like you, further Stigmatize going for Mental Health care in the Frum community.
“If you are not strong enough to do this yourself then you do something even better – install the filter on the computer, password it – tell him that you are installing it for the children. If he asks you for the password counter his question with asking him why he needs it. Obviously he will make up a legit site to go to and just tell him that if he needs to go to a site you will be more than happy to help him – but under no circumstance should you give him the password. Don’t ever let him watch you type it in, don’t make the password anything he will ever figure out. Check on the computer occasionally that the software is installed – you never know because he could uninstall it. IF he does uninstall it – the only thing you can do at this point is tell him the truth and do it nicely, calmly, understandingly and he will thank you in the long run.”
While, I’m not per se against your Eitza, it most probably wouldn’t work. It could work, if he does this only once in awhile. If a person is truly addicted, the spouse Will Not be able to stop the addiction. There are many ways to skin a cat -when there’s a will -then there’s a way. He could just go elsewhere outside the house, even if she managed to stop it totally in the house. You are totally ignorant about how Mental Health and Medical Prof deal with addictions. Let me give you an example -your Eitza is as likely to work as s/o who wants their spouse to stop smoking or drinking and decides the best way to do this is to hide the pack or the bottle. Does any Mature person think this will really stop the person’s addiction?