yeshivishsocrates -“As for tachlis, “The ultimatum is either you go for help or I’m leaving.” That sort of ultimatum is exactly the one i was saying was wrong for the occasion. She has to be on his side, its a shared issue and acting in the way you suggest he should is indicative of a very different stance. Even if it is successful as a deterrent for him, the more devastating result is the breakdown in this relationship. If he does “give up” out of the fear of losing her, his commitment is far less strong as its not based on his own motivation but from a lack of options.”
My post to you last nite was deleted, even though yours’ was accepted.
You didn’t understand my post -perhaps the topic is too difficult for young people. The ultimatum wasn’t for him to stop his behavior -only to go for therapy. And even if that was the ultimatum, it still works. Your implication for her to do it alone or if she can’t, to let him be – is ridiculous. She shouldn’t allow this behavior -no matter what! Therapy is the solution and if not, perhaps divorce.
And I personally know s/o who gave their hubby an ultimatum about his addiction to stop, not what I was talking about, and he did. It solved the problem. And no, it wasn’t me.
Your solution of her getting him to stop has no basis in reality!