Ohr Chodesh, once again you launch into a topic without firsthand experience and purvey your “expertise”. If you have gone through a failing marriage, multiple attempts to fix it with help from rabonim, family, and therapists, and you still hold your opinion, I don’t agree, but at least you are speaking from experience.
If, however, you are simply relating at second, third, or fourth hand generalizations from rabonim or gedolim who would NEVER suggest that an attitude should apply to individual situations, but would investigate the specific circumstances before making an individual psak, you are slapping a lot of people in the face.
It is not “fortunate” that divorce carries a stigma. It is certainly important not to take marriage lightly, with an “oh, well, I can always get out of it” attitude. But divorce is a very painful experience, for all involved. A pain I hope you never have to experience. A pain whose “punishment” is deep and long lasting. If Hashem is letting us know that divorce is something to be avoided (which if possible, it should be) that pain is perhaps his way of delivering the message, and it is enough in and of itself. But….
How you or anyone in any community can DARE to make any assumptions about the motivations, efforts, reconciliation attempts, agreements, disagreements, attitudes, and mindset of someone going through a divorce, and then to make value judgements on it is a vile and disgusting twist and reversal of veohavto loreacho komocho, and its corollary, that what is hateful to you, you should not do to your neighbor. Unless you are in the house 24/7 you don’t know and can’t know what the situation is. You don’t know and can’t know what efforts have been put into saving the marriage. You don’t know and can’t know what pressures and problems went into the breakdown of the marriage. You don’t know and can’t know what the effects of being ejected from social and communal circles are. You don’t know what effects that stigma has on the children, and you don’t know what effect it has on the spouses.
After a number of kids and almost 15 years of marriage in my case, and often more and longer in other cases, do you really think divorce is “just another option?” “that’s no big deal?” Child support is no big deal? paying huge sums to lawyers is no big deal? Standing in front of a beis din is no big deal?
You know nothing about this. Nothing. I discussed all aspects of my situation with the senior rov in the city where I live, a posek for 50 years, head of the beis din, and he agreed it had to move forward. And I have interacted with him since, and he hasn’t stigmatized me or my ex even if the community I used to be part of has. If I am going to take the example of a godol on this, I’ll take his. You can take yours. And you can once again examine the nature of ahavas yisroel in this week before tisha b’av. Hurtful speech is not ahavas yisroel. And there are many readers here who have suffered more through their divorce than I have, I am sure. so your offensive words are probably even more hurtful to them. Maybe you can learn something here, about shmiras Haloshon. Please consider it, and have a meaningful fast.