mommamia, +1
I am constantly amazed by the capacity of people to assume, generalize, pontificate, postulate, and opine on matters with which they have no direct experience.
If we were just talking halocho, I understand – my rov says this, that godol says that, clear.
But here, people are discussing the motivations of people in broken marriages as if they had a clue. They are making assumptions about the “ease” of divorce (as if it were simple), they are making assumptions that the problems are superficial {forget a birthday? Seriously, Pashuteh Yid?}, and the worst of it is some are justifying a frankly revolting reaction among the community to the situation that violates everything I know about how one Jew is supposed to treat another.
You want to talk about the disposable marriage? Maybe there’s a couple with too much time and money on their hands, no kids, and a pretty vacuous or conscienceless existence somewhere in the velt. I don’t know. Maybe this is to whom the fictional disposable marriage happens.
For the rest of us, there are real issues in real situations, be they job loss, illness, bereavement, challenged kids, depression, debt, lack of communication, and more, not even counting the issues of addiction or abuse that were brought up above. There is real interaction with therapists, rabonim, family to try to salvage things. There is real potential for personal growth and learning lessons even if the marriage cant be saved. There are real interactions with the beis din. There are real and substantial costs with lawyers. There are real implications regarding custody of and access to children that have immediate and lasting effects. No one in the real world that I live in takes these things lightly. No one.
But hey, you all without firsthand experience know better, and your fantasyland perspective on imaginary disposable marriages is justification enough for stigmatizing all of us who live in the real world.