Csar, you have no idea. Ba’h you shouldn’t experience 0.0001% of the issues I and my ex have experienced, and the impact they have on two individuals and a family. And as I said, I discussed the matter with the head of the beis din and the vaad harabonim in my city, a posek with over 50 years experience, and he didn’t have the callous, mocking, deriding attitude you have. Maybe you could learn something from him.
And as would be clear, if you bothered to think about it for even a minute, it isn’t the circumstances, (and that’s only a partial list) it is the capacity of the spouses to deal with them and other pressures correctly, and the implications if they can’t or don’t do so well, or in partnership. It is the capacity of the spouses to deal with each other properly when 2, 3, 4 or 5 of these things mentioned above are happening at once, and the damage done to the relationship when it is impossible to cope.
The clear issue isn’t the circumstances, but rather how much damage has been done? What, if anything can be repaired? Are the individuals prepared to change? If not, and they keep doing the same things that are drowning them, how is it going to be good for anyone to continue?
It is also a matter of what the spouses bring in to a marriage – their own issues, weaknesses, families, traumas, and how they deal with those, while also trying to deal with all of the other issues.
But of course, you know better. I would be angry and upset with you, if I hadn’t learned anything from my experiences, but truthfully, I just feel sorry for you.
I hope that you take comfort in your certainty, and that you never experience a tiny fraction of what many good people go through.