I too feel so hurt for all the pain u’ve suffered and give u a virtual hug. I’m sure there were and are many people who would have been so willing to reach out and try to help, to ease your pain, to give u love and acceptance,nut perhaps they didn’t know how to approach u, or just doubted that u wanted their help. If there were some way u and your friends could somehow reach out for help, before concluding that the only way out of the pain is thru self destructive behaviors, and going off the derech, I believe there would be many, many good people out there who would love to help. I too went otd in my late teens, and was lost for over 10 years, but I finally realized that life did not bring me any happiness, only temporary but FAKE reprieves from the pain. I finally realized I wanted to come back, got myself into therapy, git myself a religious mentor, and am now thankfully Frum again and leading a more stable life. If there was one thing I could impart to those in that situation, I’d want to stress that running away from Hashem will NEVER bring any happiness, only more pain. Exploring what made u leave, getting therapy, and surrounding yourself with good, stable and Frum people who care and accept u no matter how u are, is what will help ease the pain and give u back a chance at a happy, healthy existence. Good luck to you and all your friends. And remember, there are good people out there who would love to help.
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