Poppa bar abba:That comment really is not becoming of someone of your well read stature.There are many wonderful normal fine parents who try everything conventionally and unconventionally and still have a kid OTD.
More: “However a child over his teen years … an 80% chance of him never returning.”
I do not Know what the exact stats are in terms of percentage wise but let us just say your observation is correct. That will still leave a 20% chance of return.
People have defied far greater odds when coming back from life threatening illness.If there was a 20% chance of your child returning to the fold would you not want to risk anything that might work?
I am well aware Gemara and seforim talk about Taharas Hamishpacha and the influence it can have on our children’s upbringing.However, please think about what you wrote. There are many fine families,people in your neighborhood, (whichever one it is )even Rabbonim and I am sure even readers of this forum who are careful in the mentioned area that still have to deal in some form with a problematic child or someone going off the Derech.
Forgive me and I am sure you actually do know this, but judging Likaf zechus is always important especially this time of year.Unless something is really blatant,or unless you live in someones house it is really not possible to be
” clear” about any Tzaros an individual or a family has.We really cannot understand Cheshbonos for isurim.
Mommia22:a)You had a suggestion that has worked with some individuals
Vochindik- The whole entire situation has to be known to give an answer.
(what where when why)Unless it is an extreme situation someone going off in their teens or young adulthood still might return when older.A)The source of their angst might not have had anything to do with their going OTD but was the most convenient way of dealing with their confused feelings.B)Their ambivalence and/or ignorance of certain aspects of yiddishkiet at the time,were due to being young and thinking they knew everything but once more mature maybe the person in question will remember the positives and seek to deal with their Emunah and return.C)Their were outside influences friends, stressors etc.. that family might not have known about or the person could not escape that heavily influenced the change in lifestyle that are no longer present. D)A person might come back for the sake of their children.
Personally I would consult with someone like Rebbetzin Jungreis or Aish Hatorah.These are people that deal with these issues everyday and can listen and try to dissect the whole situation. They might even be the Shlichim to bring the person in question back to the fold. Hatzlacha!