Hockey_fan:
I have B”H married off most of my children, and have participated many times in the “shidduch” process as is common today. Yet, I remain completely appalled at the questions that become part of today’s typical investigations. Yes, there are the stereotypical stupidities that are often mocked (but are asked anyway), such as whether the parents use plastic tablecloths on Shabbos. But there is much, much more. For example, one member of my family received a call from a shadchante to inquire about her son, intending to propose a girl for him. In the first half hour of this phone interview, not a single question was asked about the boy’s character, career plans, learning, etc. The entire conversation was about his levush, as if this is the most important issue. When the mother finally challenged the shadchante on this, she became defensive, and insisted that she needed this info to get past the initial calls to prospective shidduchim. What a shame.
I have also watched shiddichim be nixed because members of the extended family have issues such as an OTD child, etc. If there is a divorce in the family, that’s a terrible flaw, and if anyone terminated a shidduch, that dooms the prospects. In reality, none of us can defend these things. If there was a broken shidduch or a divrce, I would want to know whether it was handled properly, with menchlichkeit. But things happen, and to consider someone with such a history unworthy of a shidduch is ludicrous.
I bet anyone can find plenty of other trivia that has become central to the shidduch process, and that adds unnecessary complication to a challenging process. And we who do this become our own worst enemies.