binahyeseira – As a guy, I agree & can also say that once I get to know a girl, her looks actually change; a pretty girl with a “ticked off” attitude suddenly looks like a HORRIFIC MONSTER…. but another girl that might be a plus size that I can “click with” all of a sudden looks amazingly beautiful.
Either way, my rabbi (who does marriage counseling) says that many men follow the burning sensation (you know, the whole “butterfly” thing) in their chest when they try to decide on a woman. My rabbi says that this is the yetzer hora blinding a man to the fact that this woman’s personality is at odds with his own & when they fire is gone, that’s when the guy suddenly realizes that he might not have married the best woman for him.
My rabbi also gave me the advice that when a man looks for a wife, he should find a girl with a personality that makes him feel like she is a close sister. But that when he looks at her, he doesn’t feel that she looks like his sister….it’s all relative (excuse the pun), but the idea is that the guy finds a wife that he gets along with, but also is attractive to him (not what is attractive to society).