No, it is certainly not called bechira. It is actually the opposite – the process I described earlier.
You can convince yourself of anything. Because you want something, you convince yourself its good etc. Thats the process we’re supposed to fight. Bechira is asserting that which you know to be right, despite NOT wanting it.
This has nothing to do with the attraction that develops within a relationship, as you described from your friends. You do not logically convince yourself to be attracted to someone. It is as someone described earlier – was it you ? – that attraction is not based just on the physical, and so as the relationship develops, so do those feelings. It is because those feelings are intertwined with the emotional relationship, not because you convinve yourself of anything.
I’m glad you’re not desperate. Due to what goes on, I know plenty of girls who are, and it def. affects their decision process. And it doesn’t have to do with values – we’re talking about accepting “flaws” in the physical.