pacman: sorry for the delay – wanted to think first.
first of all, daas yochid is exactly right on WHY I wanted a guy very serious about his learning and who would learn for a good part of his day.
I agree with you that for that alone, it would not matter the level of the guy’s learning, except for the fact that presumably someone who is good at learning would have more of a desire to immerse himself in learning and to continue to do so.
The bottom line of why it was so important to me that he be capable of learning in the way I described is quite simple and not so profound and may not even be recommendable, but it’s the truth. All girls need to be able to respect their husbands. For me, although I can respect many different people as people, one of the main things that I needed in order to respect my husband was his ability to learn. I don’t know why. This is still the case even after I’m married. The only thing I can answer about the fact that true he is not my chavrusah, but a guy who spends a good deal of his day learning will be talking in learning, even to his wife (his insights, his divrei torah, his thoughts).
Furthermore, I feel that my husband’s learning is MY learning. I enjoy the way he talks and thinks in spiritual matters and his divrei torah and his insights that he has in his learning (not just gemarah, but also his understanding of the maharal, mussar sefarim, even the parsha).
sorry, if I can’t clarify my reasoning enough, because the real reason is just that I need it because I need it.