Totally agree, that the age gap issue is not the reason for the so called crisis. I got married over 20 years ago, we did not have a problem. My friends and their spouses have a good deal of age differences. What has changed? Well I really feel the whole yeshiva mentally of parents supporting their kids has changed the shidduch world and expectations of the parents and the children. My parents did not give us anything, nor my FIL. My parents paid for the wedding and that was it!! We were on our own. No furniture, nothing. and I am not complaining because we went in our marriage realising it was up to ourselves.
Fast forward 20 years later, the parents are expected to support their married kids. I ask is this realisic? especially in the current financial situation where you have both parents working barely makeing ends meet, then they have married kids and probably have yeshiva age children, to support. The whole situation is not feasible, and I think that is why we have a problem. Unfortunately, parents are looking for their childrens welfare, and i believe money is the problem.
I myself have a 20 year old boy. do I think he is ready to get married?? No way, no how, and he knows this himself. there is no way I can support him or he himself at this point in his life. and now the Rabboinim are saying boys should get married younger?? That is the answer???
How about going back to a time where boys were working and earning a living and not to be dependent on their parents. Where does it say in the Torah, that the parents are suppose to support their married kids. If anything a father is suppose to teach his sons a trade, so they may support themeselves. Yes the kollel lifestyle is wonderful and a beautiful dream but simply not feasible for the general population.
I don’t believe the age gap has anything to do with the shidduch crisis. I think it is the attitudes and expections of people nowadays that have everyting to do with it.