Ski addict
Yatzmich made a very important point. What your friend did was rechilus.
She had a choice to say nothing or tell you later…. You suffered at the wedding because of her choice.
I think you really need to address with her first why she elected to tell you this at the wedding.
I decided once a while back that if someone had something wrong with their outfit (a loose hem, a stain, an ill fit, etc) I would say nothing if they were in a place they could no longer correct it. What were you supposed to do once already at the wedding? You could have left, but you wouldn’t do that unless you agreed that you could not appear in that condition. You did not fully agree or you wouldn’t have showed up like that. So saying anything, unless you’d listen, would be futile, and would only serve to make you feel judged and uncomfortable. You can blame the judge for judging, but you might want to look to the speaker (your friend) for speaking. She DID NOT do you any favors.
The truth is, if you’re going to dress noticeably different in a way that a community doesn’t accept and that makes them uncomfortable, it might be a bit unrealistic to expected people to hold back their shock and dismay. That being said, they weren’t going to change your clothes or opinion that night (so, although, it might be hard to withhold shock, words can be withheld, unless meant to help).
Years ago my husband repeated a very hurtful comment that a friend of his made about me (“doesn’t it bother you that so and so is so wide?”). I was so hurt and angry and spitting mad at this friend for talking about me this way to my chassan. Only later I realized I would never had known about the comment had my DH not told me his friend said that. WHY did he have to tell me?? It wasn’t like I didn’t realize this about myself. All my DH accomplished was to drive a wedge between me and his close friend (and wife) who I no longer wish to associate with.
Talk to your friend and ask her why she told you. I would also ask yourself why you chose to wear something that you probably knew would draw negative attention. You might be crying out to be accepted no matter who you are or how you choose to live. That might be unrealistic. We choose communities, yeshivas, friends, shidduchim in a way that allows us to protect our loved ones, keep them pure from outside influences.
By dressing different you are shouting “I am different”. People don’t see the path; only the confused state, and that scares them.
I think we need to be who we truly are in order to grow, but you might want to show it only to those you know you can trust who will love you, support you in your growth, and not fear your confusion.