SJS, I think these articles are purely based on speculation.
I just want to point out that women can be abusers too.
In addition, abusers don’t have to be mean, prone to anger or have outright bad middos.
Abuse can be very subtle and the effects in such cases can be even more devastating because the victim is confused, especially if the victim is a child.
Abusers can be charming, say that the abusive action that they are taking is simply because they love the victim and are doing whatever abuse they are (which of course the abuser will not see it as such) for the victim’s benefit. In such cases the victim becomes confused. On one hand, abusive actions hurt but on the other hand it is done in such a subtle and manipulative way that it leaves the victim onfused and they assume that they are blameworthy of the abusers disdain and sarcasm towards them or the guilty party who caused the abuser to become angry when they do blow up.
Nobody should EVER stay in such a marriage as it will have terrible lasting effects for generations. These abusers CANNOT CHANGE THEMSELVES. I know what I’m talking about. I grew up in an abusive home and I know these people are SICK. Anybody trying to control another human, be it their husband, wife or kids is SICK.
Not only was one of my parents an abuser, but one of my granparents was extremely abusive as well. I cannot tell you the devastating effect it had on each family member including the grandchildren. I thank Hashem for giving me my sanity for my life was insane and I have seen people in my situation become either abusers themselves or pathetic, broken individuals.
Despite knowing the pain of abuse and despite knowing that abuse exists in our communities, I still think that in today’s generation of instant gratification, except in cases where abuse was the issue, broken engagements and divorces could’ve been avoided in a lot of cases.