The reductionist approach to Orthodoxy is my biggest beef against the Modern Orthodox. I like the MO approach to viewing any issues intellectually, but in practice, they often lack yirat shamayim and a serious approach to engaging halakha.
There is no way you can justify not thinking negiah is serious. If you reduce Judaism to the “big three” (shabbat, niddah, kashrut), this is problematic. Granted, you need to separate minhag and chumra from halakha. But I would find it incredibly hypocritical of you if you told me that you held by Rabbenu Tam zman and only used halav yisrael while you felt it was okay to be in yichud with or hold the hand of a girl you’re not married to.
If you approach Judaism in a pick and choose capacity, then sadly, sociologically, you will probably feel at home in a place like Riverdale or the Upper West Side.
I’ not judging you, but I love you and care about you. You’re another Yid, and you’re wrong and I am concerned for you.
I was under the impression she was raised non-Orthodox. Sounds to me like she was raised in a typical MO-type home and became more frum later on.
I agree with and commend your approach to the outside world. But think seriously about your halakhic priorities. I am usually very much interested in learning how different poskim approach issues in ways that seem counter-intuitive to us (such as R’ Yosef Messas on women’s haircovering, going to a non shomer shabbat butcher, etc.) But certain things you just can’t make a limud zechut for.
I wish you all the best and hatzlacha rabba. Please check out Frumster and SYAS if you haven’t already. They’re great resources.