BTguy, I am taking issue with the whole culture of wasted energy put into blame, fault, and the excuses that go along withthe search for them. These are words that have little place in getting things done. Either one takes responsibility for one’s actions, or one doesn’t. And no one else, even a spouse, or an ex spouse, can make that happen, except for the individual him or herself. No amount of judgement, finger pointing, blame, however well meant (though it most often isn’t well meant at all) will change that. So it is all useless prattle, and it accomplishes nothing important in either the salvage of a relationship or the building of strong foundations of a new one. If it isn’t about responsibility or about solutions it won’t be effective. And if it isn’t effective it is a waste of time and energy. That is why I take such issue with the language used, and not really about being neutral or gentle, though compassion is always a good idea.
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