I am once again astounded at the attitudes displayed in many of the comments here. Before we discuss halacha or secular law, let’s discuss this rare commodity called “morality”. While a woman must be divorced by her husband, it is immoral as **** to lock a woman into a marriage that is unviable. That said, each instance needs to be examined for its unique details. There are incompetent men and women. There are poorly functioning men and women. There are great men and women, and there are plainly nasty men and women. We will do ourselves, a couple, and the world a disservice by engaging in who is right or wrong, which is one common pitfall for those without professional training who undertake to work with a couple in trouble. If we cannot succeed in breaking down the barriers between them, leading them to get closer and create a bond, a stable parental unit for the home, then this marriage is beyond repair. The role of outside help is unique per case, and I will will get nauseated by the generalizations that tend to appear in these comments (all men …. or all women ….)
Now, having identified whether there is a moral responsibility to help a marriage or to end it, we know whether to refer them to a therapist or a beis din. The recalcitrant spouse who refuses to receive or give a get is a moral invalid. Sure, one must engage in the process to mediate a settlement, and the obstacles in this process are many. But the withholding of a get (giving or receiving) hostage in order to pressure the other to relinquish any of their rights is another violation of basic menchlichkeit. To assist either side to commit this immorality is beneath human dignity. Even a Rov or Dayan who participates in such behavior is sunscribing to anti-Torah values. Yes, I proclaimed the violator of ????? ???? ???? an incompetent, perhaps evil individual. Such cases are not common, but are also not rare, ?????????? ?????.
There is never a single cause for the failure of a marriage. But there can be many individuals who feed the problem and can cause much damage, ?’ ?????.