your principal is so completely wrong and responsible for bullying she allows to continue. I know there are organizations fighting against bullying and starting programs in schools and getting involved. Long overdie in every school imo. re bullies, i’d actually advise speaking up, interrupting if they stop, telling them calmly but firmly how it is loshon hora, motzi shem ra, onaas devorim, halbanas ponim. How you’d appreciate if they’d stop the verbal abuse.
I know, having been dropped by a mentor breaks your trust. It cuts deep. If this intern isnt sticking around… She might not be there after the school year for you. A rav/rebbetzin, a psychologist, a social worker. They’ll stick around longer. If there’s a neighbor you trust, who won’t be scared to help our. You can ask for names from the help lines too. Relief. Yitty leibel help line. And many more.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling its betraying your family to talk. And it kept me from finding someone. For too long. Until damage had been done. And i’m begging you not to wait until then. Be proactive, and prevent more pain. Don’t be one of those kids who tells everyone about their family, no. But find one or 2 people who can guide you, preferably who will work together (this will also likely help that they stick with it). If one can be a rav, he can give you psakim, tell you what you can do, what you can say, without guilt. He can tell you if you should spend time away despite the guilt, perhaps even move out, for a week or a year. Find someone. It will take a huge load off your chest that you don’t even realize is there.
And most of all, do not feel guilty. Be careful with your actions, yes. Don’t hurt if it can be avoided. Protect yourself. Get help. Feel bad, pity your mother. Look at her with pity and compassion for what she is, and what she can’t see to break out of yet, instead of with anger if you can. But to feel guilty for taking care of your safety and health, for protecting, for getting a better environment and outlook in which you can grow more solidly and stronger, that is something to not feel guilty about. And the guilt can be, and is, debilitating, and it will stop you from doing what you know you should. But it is yetzer hora. Recognize it for what it is, and you can fight it. The only time guilt is good is when it is proppelling you to a change and growth, like in teshuva. If its holding you back, or weighing you down, let it go. Its hard work to overcome, start now while you’re in bais yaakov. Its much easier then.
And don’t wait too long if you can. The longer you wait and debate, the more excuses and deterrants the yetzer hora can plant in your mind.
I had something else thats slipped my mind… If i remember i’ll come add it.