Q: How many armies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while, the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
Q: How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: Two, one to do it and one to say “Huh ! My four-year old could’ve done that!”
Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists never “see the light” anyway do they?
Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week’s discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile…
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
A2: Five – one to change the light bulb and the other four to fill out the Environmental Impact Statement.
A3: One to spot the burned-out bulb, his supervisor to authorize a requisition, a requisition typist, twelve clerks to file the requisition copies, a mail clerk to deliver the requisition to the purchasing department, a purchasing agent to order the bulb, a clerk to forward the purchasing order, a clerk to mail-order a receiving clerk to receive the bulb….
A4: Seven– one to supervise, one to arrange for the electricity to be shut off, one to make sure that safety and quality standards are maintained, one to monitor compliance with local, state, and federal regulations, one to manage personnel relations, one to fill out the paperwork and one to screw the light bulb into the water faucet.
A5: Two – one to screw it in and one to screw it up.
A6: None, we contract out for things like that.
Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, even a burned out bulb can’t catch a waiters eye
Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?
A2: Two: One to roll it, and one to light it up.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
Q: How many Fisherman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four, one to change the light bulb, two to brag about how big the old one was and one to talk about the one that they would have changed, but “It got away”
Q: How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she’ll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm… well there’s an interesting question isn’t it ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
A: Define “lightbulb”…..
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A1: Hmmm… well there’s an interesting question isn’t it ?
A2: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
A3: Define “lightbulb”…..
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but you have to nag him for two weeks first.