Light Bulb Jokes

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  • #600786

    Noach
    Member

    How many BYA girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    One to screw in the bulb, and the rest to take pictures.

    ***********

    How many Hadar girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    One to screw in the bulb, the rest to say Tehillim.

    ************

    How many Bnos Chava girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    One to call the electrician – no one wants to get her hands dirty.

    ***********

    How many BJJ girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    None – they have Emunah that it will fix itself.

    ***********

    How many Yavneh girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    None – they don’t realize that the light went out; the light of Torah keeps them going.

    *************

    How many BY Intensive girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    None – -they’re too busy changing diapers instead.

    *************

    How many Briskers does it take to change a light bulb?

    That was a trick question. Briskers don’t have electricity.

    **************

    How many Lakewooders does it take to change a light bulb?

    None – they try to change the world instead.

    **************

    How many Chofetz Chaim boys does it take to change a light bulb?

    One to screw it in, and the rest to run to the Rosh Yeshivah to make sure its okay.

    **************

    How many BYDM teachers does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. The light bulb has to realize that only he can change himself, one step at a time.

    ***************

    How many BYDM girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. When the light bulb breaks, they just sit down and have a kumzits.

    *************

    How many Seminar girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    One to fix it, and the rest to make up songs and call their friends up and tell them about their latest sem scare.

    ***************

    How many Nachlas girls does it take to change a ligtbulb?

    Oh come on, do you really think that they would use light bulbs that die in a five star hotel?!

    ****************

    How many Meor girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    No girls- all the light bulb would need to do is to sit through one class and it would be changed for life.

    #943360

    ha ha ha ha
    Member

    cute 🙂

    i have one quest… if your name is Noach how do you know all about the differant sems??

    #943361

    A Heimishe Mom
    Participant

    I love it! Of course some of those Sem names are really interchangeable, and BYDM doesn’t even have a seminary, but that’s ok. Point well taken.

    #943362

    bekitzur
    Participant

    So cute!

    #943363

    Nechomah
    Participant

    My husband is a Brisker – I’m on the floor….. LOL!!!

    #943364

    tryinghard
    Member

    Good Job, Noach. We can use a few more like this one…

    #943365

    real-brisker
    Member

    Nechomah – So your also a Brisker than.

    #943366

    ronrsr
    Member

    Q: How many Zionists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: Three. One to change it and two to declare that the whole of the Jewish People stand behind their actions.

    #943367

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    How many Ohr Someach characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Three. One to buy a new CFL bulb from the store, a second to change the lightbulb and a third to tell everyone that Jews have always used CFLs since matan Torah.

    How many RIETS guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One two change it and one to change it and one to argue with him about what this and that obscure rishon would say.

    How many Lubavitchers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    The lightbulb never died.

    How many Hungarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    349, one each for every bulb in the chandelier.

    #943368

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Q: How many armies does it take to change a lightbulb ?

    A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while, the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

    Q: How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

    A: Two, one to do it and one to say “Huh ! My four-year old could’ve done that!”

    Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: None. Atheists never “see the light” anyway do they?

    Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

    A: This topic was resumed from last week’s discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile…

    Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A1: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

    A2: Five – one to change the light bulb and the other four to fill out the Environmental Impact Statement.

    A3: One to spot the burned-out bulb, his supervisor to authorize a requisition, a requisition typist, twelve clerks to file the requisition copies, a mail clerk to deliver the requisition to the purchasing department, a purchasing agent to order the bulb, a clerk to forward the purchasing order, a clerk to mail-order a receiving clerk to receive the bulb….

    A4: Seven– one to supervise, one to arrange for the electricity to be shut off, one to make sure that safety and quality standards are maintained, one to monitor compliance with local, state, and federal regulations, one to manage personnel relations, one to fill out the paperwork and one to screw the light bulb into the water faucet.

    A5: Two – one to screw it in and one to screw it up.

    A6: None, we contract out for things like that.

    Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None, even a burned out bulb can’t catch a waiters eye

    Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A1: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?

    A2: Two: One to roll it, and one to light it up.

    Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

    Q: How many Fisherman does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Four, one to change the light bulb, two to brag about how big the old one was and one to talk about the one that they would have changed, but “It got away”

    Q: How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: One, but she’ll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

    Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

    A: Hmmm… well there’s an interesting question isn’t it ?

    A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.

    A: Define “lightbulb”…..

    Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

    A1: Hmmm… well there’s an interesting question isn’t it ?

    A2: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.

    A3: Define “lightbulb”…..

    Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?

    A: Only one, but you have to nag him for two weeks first.

    #943369

    bekitzur
    Participant

    lol ItcheSrulik! did you make them up yourself?

    #943370

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    those are great!LOL!! Let me add some,

    Q. How many Noodniks does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A. 1001. One to hold the bulb in place, the rest to spin the house around and around.

    Q. how many Breslovers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A. Three. Two to hold the ladder very still as the third guy dances it in, around and around.

    Q: How many Dell Tech Support people does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring

    Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring

    ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring

    Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring

    ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring Ring-ring ring-ring…..

    Q. How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb?

    A. Change a what?

    Q: How many Thought Police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: None…. There never *was* any light bulb, don’t you remember?

    Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: That’s not funny!

    Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: None. It turns itself in.

    Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

    Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: One-third less than for a regular bulb.

    Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

    EDITED

    #943371

    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    How many ADHD kids does it take to chan- OH! was that a squirrel?

    #943372

    bekitzur
    Participant

    onegoal, not nice to make fun of us!!

    #943373

    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    Don’t worry I’m one of you.

    #943374

    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    How many Lamdanim…?

    It won’t help. They’ll keep on splitting the filament.

    How many presidents…?

    Oh! I was supposed to put in the working one?

    #943375

    skiaddict
    Member

    BH- HILARIOUS about the feminists!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-):-)

    #943376

    squeak
    Participant

    How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Well, the first thing we have to realize is that the reason we are having this, uh, lightbulb problem, is uh, due to the mistakes of the previous administration. I want to do everything to assure you, the people, of the willingness of my administration to uh, reverse and reestablish the previous equilibrium that we all enjoyed before this unfortunate incident that led to the bulb burning out. My first step will be to name a task force that is assigned to investigating the best way to tackle this problem. The Lightbulb Task Force will also take upon themselves the responsibility of getting approval to complete their objectives in the very next possible Congressional budget……

    Answer: At least a few years, a few million dollars, and and an undisclosed number of people will take care of it by the next election year.

    #943378

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Q: How many Jewish mother does it take the change a light bulb?

    A: (Sigh) Don’t bother, I’ll sit in the dark, I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody . . .

    #943380

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Only one, but it takes six visits!

    #943381

    How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? Only one they hate sharing the spotlight.

    #943382

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: That’s not funny!

    I found this one funny. ^_^

    #943383

    tzaddiq
    Member

    Q. how many cr posters does it take to change a light bulb?

    A. there’s a thread on that, please see

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/light-bulbs

    #943384

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Here’s a better question:

    Q. How many mods does it take to change a subtitle?

    A. Only one, but you gotta get lucky…

    #1580270

    ukguyinEY
    Participant

    How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. The light bulb has to want to change.

    #1580766

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. That’s a hardware problem.

    #1580830

    golfer
    Participant

    Worth coming to visit for this thread!
    Thanks All!

    #1582687

    laskern
    Participant

    How many Breslaver Chasidim or Lebavitcher Chasidim do you need to change a light bulb?

    You cannot replace it, the first one burned better than any other.

    #1584318

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    How many open orthodox rabbis does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Answer 1.
    One (Avi Weiss) but it’s still dead they just changed the name

    Answer 2.
    What’s an open orthodox rabbi?

    #1584537

    huju
    Participant

    50 comdians, 5 are funny. 500 comedians, 5 are funny. 5,000 ….

    #1589330

    MasmidInTraining
    Participant

    Why are these jokes not Loshon Hara, Motzi Shem Ra, and Ona’as Dvarim- or all 12?

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