Wiy: ‘I think that people are afraid of broken engagements so they stay with someone they shouldn’t convincing themselves that all will be ok. Then they get divorced in shono rishona.’
I believe engagements are somewhat trial periods meaning if someone uncovers something truly horrendous it might warrant breaking it off. Once a person is married, however, one’s inadequacies become the other’s nisayon. Unless the other is abusive, marriage should be a no-take-backsies deal as MOST things can get worked out.
It would be foolish to pretend to be someone you’re not at least planning to be because then there’s no compatibility. If someone told the shadchan they don’t do something that they do, I would like to believe it’s because they’re working on it and are hoping to stop soon. There has to be trust and its on you to trust your spouse that if they misrepresented themself, it’s because they are working to change.