ROB wrote: “Second- please go and have a secret vote amongst all the mothers who have , Beli Ayin Horah, six ,seven kids and go to work while their husbands smoke away in various kollelim- not knowing what they are actually doing, and then come back to me with the results. Only then will I retract my assertion about the amjority of women not wanting tp be “mocheL” their husbands.”
ROB – I am a kollel wife of numerous kids B”H, and I am not saying it is easy but nothing in life (this world at least) is easy or meant to be – torah (and olam haba) are acquired through (HAPPY) mesirus nefesh! You can ask my peers as well as myself and we’ll tell you that we truly feel loads of simcha despite (maybe because of) the fact that it’s hard!
I work as well, READILY and WANT to do so even though I’m past the idealism stage and have many kids ka”H. I see my husband is like a fish in water when he’s with seforim, and he helps out whenever he is home or when I need him (as I said, with lots of kids and I work…) – however, while I’ll agree it is stressful at times, even at some point on most days, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!
That being said, I have seen many women who are washed out and don’t have that simcha and the guy does seem clueless or couldn’t care less (often seen with wives of balabatim as well) and that is just outright bad middos and lack of sensitivity and pashut wrong whether they’re in kollel or working…but don’t blame Torah for that, post a thread on bad middos and people who are insensitive!!