PBA: It’s a Tosafos in Yevamos, Pashtus a Machlokes between 2 Gemras, there is a Machlokes Rishonim, and much discussion in the Achronim whether or not homosexuality is an Issur Ervah or a separate Issur.
And no, I disagree with you. There are different levels of violations of Halachah for a reason. It is much, much worse for a woman to be stuck in a marriage. That is something no one who cares even a tiny bit about Halachah will violate. A man can still care deeply about Halachah and say, “I can’t live life alone, I’ll violate a Cherem so I can keep all 613 Mitzvos.” Also, if she’s really refusing a Get then he can usually get a valid Heter Me’ah Rabannim. She has no such recourse.