Reply To: Jealousy

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You have no way of knowing if you made an ayin hara. There is no reason to suppose you did. All you are doing in beating yourself up right now. What do you think that’s gonna do to help?

I’ve had loads of friend issues (still do, though I do now have some ABSOLUTELY AMAZING friends- if you’re reading this, though 99% of you shouldn’t know who I am and the 1% who does shouldn’t admit here that she knows me, love ya guys!). I would always hang out on the fringes of the groups of people I wanted to be friends with, just like everyone else, and while I was reasonably good friends with one of them it didn’t really last. I was seriously suffering a lot until I went to high school, where I actually found friends who were my speed.

The one thing I learned was: I don’t have the RIGHT to be someone’s friend. It’s not coming to me, and it’s not like she’s doing something wrong for not being friends with me. If I’m not the person she wants to confide in or be friends with, then she has just as much of a right as I do to decide with whom she wants to be friends. The popular girls tend to be friends with the popular girls (definitely not an ironclad rule, but in general) and if you try to hang on you’ll probably just stay hanging on.

You sound, though, like these girls are your type, and you’re just frustrated because you’re not as close as you’d like to be with one of them. The above still applies, but with one caveat- YOU DON’T NEED A BEST FRIEND.

Focus on yourself and not Estie. Estie doesn’t need to do what you want her to do. She’ll manage perfectly well even if she doesn’t confide in you while it seems like you won’t. You need to figure yourself out. Why do you want to be friends with Estie in particular? Are there other girls who are just as nice and sweet and amazing as Estie? If not, why not? Why is Estie’s BFF currently her BFF- what do they have in common and what do they see in each other? And most important, what are YOU? What type of person, what type of friend? Why would someone want to be YOUR friend?

After all that, you may not end up with Estie as your BFF, and that’s okay. (I know it seems like it isn’t, but you’d probably be surprised.) But you’ll end up with somewhat of a clearer picture of yourself and be closer to realizing what you REALLY want out of a friendship.

I hope I don’t sound condescending- I have no idea how much older I am than you or if I am older than you at all. This is just what I think can actually help- it worked for me.