You went through a tough situation and probably still are. Obviously, there are pent up feelings of guilt, anger, blame, self-blame, responsibility, insecurity, uncertainty, and anxiety. Avoiding them by sitting on the internet is not a good idea and can perpetuate these issues.
It will help greatly to speak to a therapist or life-coach, or perhaps a good friend, that can sort out the feelings and put them in perspective.
Focuss on the times you experienced Hashgacha Pratis, and when it wwaas clear that Hashem answered your Tefillos. This will help bolster your Emuna and Betachon. Repeat to yourself the Pasuk that RebDoniel quoted, Hashlech Al Hashem Yehavcha Vehu Yechalkilecha. Face the future and shape it; don’t throw it away.