VM:
“I’m talking about times where there is not much halacha, if any, about it. Like during Kabolas Shabbos.”
While it is true that there in nothing li’halacha wrong with talking during kabbalas Shabbos, it still isn’t very nice to the people who are trying to daven. You can always talk outside.
“Also, people need to be aware that there can be conflicting ideals; even when one ideal is clear and the other is nebulous. “Frummer” is not always better. In some (many? most?) situations, it might make more sense to not be medakdek k’chut hasaarah on a minhag tov even if it’s written in hilchos beis hakneses; if it means making people uncomfortable.”
That is 100% true, but it (like pretty much everything) can’t be applied everywhere. I cannot force my chumra upon you, but I also don’t have to be meikel where I don’t want to so that every last person in the world feels comfortable in my shul. Different shuls (and schools) are catered to different crowds; they do not have to compromise on their standards for other people’s sake.