Reply To: Getting the other to say no

I think you’re all imagining me doing something terrible. I do have a sense of self-preservation! And I do want to get married. So it wouldn’t be anything that wouldn’t sound perfectly normal to the people involved.

To give a totally random example: Let’s say davka disagreeing about a certain hashkafic point. For example, if he said he’d hypothetically vote for Otzma, you’d say Bayit Yehudi. When you really don’t care that much and would do whatever your husband wanted once married, but you don’t like this boy so you make a little bit of a discussion about it, preferably giving one concrete detail that you can figure he wouldn’t agree with. Would this be ethical?

I think it’s also saving the boy from being too interested in me. It’s doing him a favor. But it seems you all agree that this is a bad idea, so I’ll hypothetically just be nice and spend an hour trying to find ways to explain to the shadchan why not for no apparently good reason.