1. I know people change. But deliberate changes that will affect the marriage must be discussed.
2. Its not controlling when both sides have to ask each other that’s called a relationship. No side will go ahead and do something drastic without discussing with the other first. Controlling is only when its one sided. You didn’t read my post carefully enough.
3. In a healthy relationship things are discussed and people ddon’t act rashly and make big decisions with disregard to the rest of the family. Yes I think in a healthy relationship you get permission from your spouse before making big changes. For example if the husband used to always be home at night to help out do home work with kids and what not and now he decides he wants to learn with a chavrusa every night during those hours it may not be the right thing to do and a wife has a right to say I’m a person too and I need your help in the house and without it I will collapse. Don’t you agree? Or do you think people can just do what they want and kill their marriages for Hashem (which He definitely doesn’t want in most cases)?
4. Betrayal is betrayal whether it’s deliberate or not. When someone becomes less observant usually it is a conscious decision. A man will consciously decide to stop going to minyan the woman will consciously decide she wants to start dressing differently or other changes. Humans make changes with thouht we aren’t robots. Yes one time by accident a woman can wear something too short. But ifa trend starts tthat’s a decision. Missing minyan once n a while can happen. Once it’s once a week or so it’s a trend. That’s no accident.