Reply To: Rav Wolbe

Rabbi Wolbe recalled that after Mincha on Erev Yom Kippur, in the Mir Yeshiva in

Poland, there was uproar in the Beis Medrash. The young R Wolbe asked his friend

what the commotion was about. His friend responded that anyone who was insulted,

had a complaint, or felt hurt by a fellow Talmid’s act or words, opened up the

topic with his friend at that time. The two would talk it through, each explaining

his intentions or mistake and in this way; they would come to peace before Yom Kippur.

One may think, what kind of complaints did they have in the Mir; were they not Talmidei

Chachomim, Baalei Mussar and Middos Tovos? But the truth is that mending is often

necessary between any two people who are in close proximity of each other, even

those who enjoy a close and friendly relationship. As two people with two minds

and two sets of feelings, they may have inadvertently caused one another unintended

insult or hardship, and that should be expressed.

“You can’t bear a grudge on your friend. If he does something hurtful to you, you

must tell him,” the Mashgiach would say.

This is not an easy thing to do, but retaining a grudge is forbidden.