I have to tell you that I am so used to hearing about these types of horror stories about the people you least expect it from. It’s a huge secret in your eyes, but people who help kids like you are so used to it that they will have no problem focusing on you. And addictions can only be kept secret for so long before the bottom drops out, trust me.
Get yourself help even if you aren’t ready to speak. Ask for someone to stand at your side and wait for you to be ready.