Dear Aurora
we can chat with you and give you whatever little support we can, and we are happy to, but nobody can give you serious help on the internet, you have to contact a reputable orthodox rabbi with experience in this kind of problems, tell him the facts you know about your family, and let him sort everything out. You are in a very complex situation: first you have to prove, according to jewish law, that you are jewish (the rabbi will explain you how this can be done), then after jewishness is established there are other subtleties, which I am not sure it’s appropriate to discuss on the cofferoom nor do I feel I should dare in my ignorance to discuss. These are very delicate questions that have to be addressed by a rabbi who knows all the facts.
I am sure you will have no problem in finding a husband who is as passionate as you are about cats: as others have said, there are many such people, even though they are not the majority, but you need only one husband.
readynow, I grew up with a very clear sense (not perfect, but yet) of what is forbidden and what is permissible, and I have the strong impression it is the same for you, as well as for those people you mention, that they learned in a few days. One thing is a person who grew up frei and his/her parents made him/her aware of all the laws but ignored or mocked them (some laws, anyway, as there are frei yidden who risked a lot on their neighbour’s behalf), and he/she now wants to become observant, fair enough. But here, the problem is that Aurora does not know what to do. She was previously eating nonkosher meat, which is forbidden, no question. Suppose she now makes an effort and buys kosher meat and cooks it in a pot with milchig taste (not spoiled) – is this any less forbidden? or is it a *more* serious transgression? Are we helping this person, or what? And, judaism goes well beyond the kitchen. You realize that Aurora is in a very delicate job, and nobody here is qualified to comment about it and about the halachic ramifications. However, due to the fact she mentioned living in a town with conservative and reform “synagogues”, we can infer there is a significant jewish community in her town, be it unaffiliated, affiliated to non-halachic groups, or even intermarried / baptized / whatever but still jewish. This makes it very important for a rabbi to get involved and to explain what Torah law says.