Before I start, I want to clear up a few things, as some are questioning others rights understandings & experiances. 1) I have Boruch Hashem made a few Chasunus. 2)As someone working with others problems (which ones left out for good reason)I might have “some” knowledge of what goes on in the “Frum”/”Heimishe” world, it’s effects & maybe how to deal with them. Please remember who is getting married. The parents do have an obligation to tell there kids “on the onset” of the Shidduch to tell there son/daughter there opinion, but they should remember that it does “not” give them the right to use demeaning terms, including “Es Past Nisht” “what are others going to say/think” “you deserve better” he/she is just not good enough for you” etc. etc. etc. All of these are Avak Loshon Horah! They should say if THEY VERIFIED that he/she is really not a good person (and even then remember that sometimes it’s better to let it happen anyway, & they should still treat there son/daughter well, even for Yiddishkeit purposes). If though it is for the other afformentioned reasons, remember WHAT DOESN’T PAS FOR YOU MIGHT PAS FOR HIM, HE/SHE SHOULD DECIDE WHAT’S BETTER, WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK/SAY IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY FOR A YID MAKE DECISIONS “WE HAVE TO MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON WHAT HASHEM WANTS OF US!!!!! The notion that a parent always wants what’s best for the child is “not” true, most of them want marriages that will raise their own prestige. And if Yichus or backround is what they want it proves my previous point about prestige, and it goes against everything that HAKODOISH BORUCH HU wants from us as we are ALL HIS CHILDREN. The G’morah states that the Bais Hamikdosh was only destroyed due to SIN’AS CHI’NUM, which is truly illogical, because how many times have you walked down the street, seen someone for the very first time and said I hate him? Never! And if he did something to you, then it’s not CHIN’UM, IT IS WRONG NOT CHI’NUM! WHAT IT MEANS IS WHEN YOU CAN’T STAND ANOTHER YID BASED ON BACKROUND, YICHUS, WHICH GROUP HE BELONGS TO, WHERE HE HAILS FROM, etc.etc. THAT IS SIN’AS CHI’NUM PLAIN AND SIMPLE!!! THE YAITZER HORAH COMES UP WITH ALL KINDS OF GOOD REASONS TO EXPLAIN WHY THIS CASE IS LOGICAL & MAKES SENSE, BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET’S WAKE UP K’LAL YISROEL AND HAVE AHAVAS CHI’NUM AND TREAT EVERY YID THE SAME WAY REGARDLESS OF HIS/HER BACKROUND,BE HE/SHE CHASSIDISH,LITVISH, YEKISH, ASHKENAZY, S’FARADI, MORROCAN, SYRIAN, IRAQI, IRANIAN, HUNGARIAN, POLISH, GALICIAN, OR FROM ANYWHERE ELSE!!!! Only “his” actions should count. Also when it comes to second marriages & the “child” is in the 30’s 40’s 50’s & the parents are still busy Haking A Chinik, something is wrong! & YES IT DOES HAPPEN!!!! HACHOISEM MIK’AIV LEV
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