TAOM – I know you feel strong enough to hold out on your own for now, but it’s seriously not healthy! I’ll say this one more time: even is you can’t do therapy, please please please find someone to speak to. As for the shiur, it wasn’t the inspiration that made it seem so strong, rather the horrible realization that if I would have heard this speech a few years ago I would have been a lot better off…. And as OURtoah said, I’m so glad your getting involved with more chessed. I know for myself that working with people more needy than me makes me appreciate what I have. One example (and I have tons but this happened recently): I was working with a two year old who is severely handicapped. I seriously never met a toddler with such maturity, I guess life does that to kids. Anyways, I was supporting her so she could stand without her crutches/braces she always relies on when she says to me in tears: “My feet aren’t behaving, they never listen to me. I hate them.” I just hugged her tight and cried along with her….this poor child!
Shopping – I’m with you on this one. I also feel so disconnected after reading how TAOM described her Chanuka 🙁 It’s so so hard when there are so many other things distracting you-so I’m really not in the place to give advice here but listen…you did daven, who cares if it was with a siddur or not!?!?! The fact is that you have the connection: the rest will come eventually. Try downloading shiurim on to your iPod or phone and listen to them when you have a few minutes. There are so many amazing speeches out there! And keep talking to Hashem! Ask Him to help you keep the strong connection…