nonikname,
I am learning with two girls who aren’t relgious and they were asking me why they should belevie in a God. I told them that when times are good, it is very easy for us to love our lives, its easy for us to just plain live life. But when the going gets tough, say there is a death in the family, your best friend “dumps” you, your having a serious fight with someone say a parent or sibling. Something is wrong. If you blame YOURself, you will not be able to function! You must recognize you are only human! You cannot fix everything. That is when you have Hashem. (side point: you had Hashem in the first place, Hashem was causing the good times for you, but not the point right now). So One of the girls asked me “yes, but then I’d be VERY VERY ANGRY at Hashem, I wouldn’t want to believe in Him”. I said “AHA! you answered your own question”.
Do you ever get angry at your parents? Will you get angry at your spouse IyH? Your friends? Of course! Do you get angry at random people on the street? No! Whats the difference? You love the first group of people, of course when they are doing something that angers you, you will get angry! But you are angry at them because they love you, you have a relationship with them. So to with Hashem. Be angry at Hashem for your problems. Daven (and I mean it, pick up a siddur and relive the emotional experiance it is to daven), ask Hashem to help you, because you have a relationship with Hashem and he just wants you back!
I’m so sorry you are going through a hardship! Just know that there is always hope, you must search for it and never give up! Remeber: You woke up today, you have a purpose! Make the most of it 🙂