#1 on your shidduch list

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  • #1187529

    #This is not my first item on my imaginary list, but, ultimately I would love to someone musical, that plays an instruments and sings. Before you critics start on me, I’ll have you know, I have never asked that about a boy before I went out with him.

    #1187530

    DY- you’re really funny!!!;)

    #1187531

    wallflower
    Member

    Honesty.

    #1187532

    Randomex
    Member

    wallflower:

    Hi! I’m sorry about your subtitle, but I thought it needed

    demolition, and the mods eventually agreed. I’m sure you’ll

    have a new one soon. How does “In full bloom” sound?

    #1187533

    Letakein Girl
    Participant

    What was wallflower’s former subtitle? (It should probably be posted on the subtitle thread…)

    #1187534

    vayoel moshe
    Member

    For her to be able to tolerate me

    #1187535

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    LetakeinGirl

    something about the perks of being a wallflower.

    ps why do spelling mistakes bother you so much?

    #1187536

    wallflower
    Member

    “The perks of being a member” actually.

    When was my subtitle changed? I didn’t notice.

    #1187537

    Randomex
    Member

    DaasYochid is indeed funny. That makes a chazaka!

    It also marks three chazakos from me, which gives me

    a chazaka for giving chazakos. I’ll gladly continue.

    #1187538

    ChizukGedarim
    Participant

    I just checked the feed. I was not trolling/joking! I am not saying that they need to be only into the physical and attraction is not only that. Attraction is a whole package, the couple must be “into” each other. A marriage that is built only on “Well he/she looks good on paper.” Is not what I feel makes a happy relationship. That is not to say that goals are not important! They are on top of the list, but if you have the same goals and don’t have any chemistry…that will be a tough marriage.

    #1187539

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    bump

    #1187540

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    1. sensitive & warm (but also self-confident)

    2. appreciates my intelligence (and everything else about me!)

    3. Machshiv Torah

    4. growth-oriented

    #1187541

    gofish
    Member

    The most important thing for me is that he is a mentch. First, last and middle criteria. (Obviously, compatibility, similar hashkafos, etc, but the ultimate defining factor is that he has to be a mentch.)

    My parents both have yichus, choshuv families, my father is a rabbi, they were both the “top catches” with all the qualities so many people stress on… None of that means a thing if a person isn’t a mentch.

    #1187542

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Kindness

    #1187543

    Health
    Participant

    Gofish -“The most important thing for me is that he is a mentch.”

    I consider myself as being a mentch! Who says you are?!?

    #1187544

    gofish
    Member

    “I consider myself as being a mentch! Who says you are?!?”

    Whoa, do you think that unwarranted attack was mentchlich?

    I never said that I am a mentch, though I do sincerely hope I am a mentch. All I said was that that is my most important qualification in a husband. No need to pull out the redundant punctuation points.

    #1187545

    Health
    Participant

    Gofish -“Whoa, do you think that unwarranted attack was mentchlich?”

    It wasn’t unwarranted! People should work on themselves and not worry so much about others!

    If you’re Zocheh – you’ll end up with a guy like me!

    #1187546

    gofish
    Member

    I’m gonna take that as a joke.

    #1187547

    Person1
    Member

    Health: “I consider myself as being a mentch! Who says you are?!?”.

    Do you have any idea how childish that sounds?

    “If you’re Zocheh – you’ll end up with a guy like me!”

    That’s great. We all should have good opinion of ourselves.

    Honestly your responses are so irellevant I think you should get the troll treatment and be ignored.

    #1187548

    Abba_S
    Participant

    Everyone thinks they are a mentch, the key is to find out if they have a good heart. For example how do they response in a stressful situation.

    #1187549

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “The most important thing for me is that he is a mentch. First, last and middle criteria.”

    Gofish +1. Very true! I didn’t mention it: a) because I assumed it was obvious (although maybe I shouldn’t :)) and

    b) it’s somewhat subjective since everyone will define “mentch” differently. I had friends who are considered wonderful people, but when I got to know them better, I discovered that they had some very difficult personality traits, and I would not consider them to be “mentchen” (or whatever the female equivalent is), and if I had a single brother, would definitely not set them up with him.

    That’s why I find it is better to be more specific. If you ask a reference questions like, Does he have good middos? Is he smart? etc., of course they will say yes. I try to ask things like, “Is he sensitive?” “Is he of above-average intelligence?” (sometimes I tell them about myself before asking if the guy is smart so they can figure out what my definition of smart is).

    #1187550

    I. M. Shluffin
    Participant

    He should have a cheery disposition,

    Rosy cheeks, no warts;

    Play games, all sorts.

    He must be kind, he must be witty;

    Very sweet and fairly pretty.

    Take me on outings, give me treats;

    Sing songs, bring sweets

    Never be cross or cruel,

    Never give me castor oil or gruel.

    Love all of our sons and daughters,

    And never smell of barley water.

    He shouldn’t scold or dominate.

    That’s the recipe for a guy who’s top rate!

    If anyone on here fits the bill, call me up.

    #1187551

    Health
    Participant

    Person1 -“Do you have any idea how childish that sounds?”

    No, please tell me! You didn’t begin to understand my point!

    “Honestly your responses are so irellevant I think you should get the troll treatment and be ignored.”

    So why did you post to me in the first place? I surely wasn’t posting to you!

    #1187553

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Joseph: “A bas talmid chochom who is a good cook with middos tovos.”

    Joe, why did you put “good cook” before “middos tovos”? Aren’t middos more important? And anyhow, doesn’t having good middos include being a good cook? After all, if she has good middos and she knows you want her to be a good cook, then she’ll learn how to be a good cook.

    #1187555

    yehudayona
    Participant

    “If you’re Zocheh – you’ll end up with a guy like me!”

    Health, have you considered running for president? I understand the Republicans are looking for someone with high self-esteem for the 2020 election.

    #1187556

    Abba_S
    Participant

    He should have a cheery disposition,

    Rosy cheeks, no warts;

    Play games, all sorts.

    He must be kind, he must be witty;

    Very sweet and fairly pretty.

    Take me on outings, give me treats;

    Sing songs, bring sweets

    Never be cross or cruel,

    Never give me castor oil or gruel.

    Love all of our sons and daughters,

    And never smell of barley water.

    He shouldn’t scold or dominate.

    That’s the recipe for a guy who’s top rate!

    If anyone on here fits the bill, call me up.

    I think this should be in the classified section since she is looking for a husband. I am married and don’t fit the bill but what about toads in your bed or pepper in your tea.

    #1187557

    reuventree555
    Participant

    Just try to find a kind and unselfish person. What difference does yichus make if your spouse is a terrible person? You are not marrying his/her grandfather!

    #1187558

    Health
    Participant

    LU -“Joe, why did you put “good cook” before “middos tovos”?”

    Obviously his wife now is a lousy cook! So for #2, he wants a good cook, not that he’s divorcing the first one!

    #1187559

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Health – I’m confused. I was assuming he must be single if he responded to this question. Unless you think he’s serious about the polygamy thing, which I would find hard to believe.

    #1187560

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “Everyone thinks they are a mentch, the key is to find out if they have a good heart. For example how do they response in a stressful situation.”

    Actually, I’m not sure I agree. I don’t know if it’s fair to judge someone based on how they handle stress. People aren’t themselves in stressful situations.

    I would say something similar but phrase it slightly differently. I would say that you can tell what someone is like based on how he deals with conflict. I knew someone who seemed like a wonderful person until she got into conflicts with people and then her real colors showed. On the other hand, I have known people whose middos really shone through when they were faced with conflict and dealt with it appropriately.

    That is probably one of the most important things to know about someone before marrying them – how he/she handles conflict.

    #1187561

    Abba_S
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid – “Everyone thinks they are a mentch, the key is to find out if they have a good heart. For example how do they response in a stressful situation.”

    Actually, I’m not sure I agree. I don’t know if it’s fair to judge someone based on how they handle stress. People aren’t themselves in stressful situations.

    I am referring situations when a spouse is upset the mentch calms her down this is a trait I look for in my sons in-law, rather then argue whose at fault.

    #1187562

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    okay, so I guess we are saying the same thing. You are talking about a conflict situation as well.

    So everyone should make sure to have at least one argument with the person they are dating before they get engaged.

    #1187563

    Agantzyoorpeerim
    Participant

    I think everyone should look for whatever they want. It is a free country all the way to the Catskills

    #1187564

    Abba_S
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid Couples don’t have to get into an argument in order for one of them to be upset, sometimes when things don’t go their way they explode. For example something spills on her dress, if I tell her, don’t worry you can hardly notice it, I will get a kick in the shins. the son in-law talks softly and knows just what to say to calm her down.

    I don’t recommend starting an argument just to see how he will react, it can ruin a potential shidduch.

    #1187566

    Health
    Participant

    LU -“Health – I’m confused. I was assuming he must be single if he responded to this question. Unless you think he’s serious about the polygamy thing, which I would find hard to believe.”

    IDK him personally, but from all his posts – he portrays himself as a married person. So your assumption is probably wrong!

    #1187567

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    How do you see that?

    Joseph is married.

    #1187568

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    So why would he have answered the above question?

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