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Is it considered within the range on normalcy if a 5 year old son hits his parents. or is this indicative of a problem.
Depends if he planned it or did it in a stage of rage and tantrum? 5 year old generally get a pass you have to ignore them dont get angry at them either because then you teach them it s okay to get angry. Stay calm ignore them OR put them in their room at shut the door
Uh.. You have to ask? Duh! There is a problem. A child should never hit a parent unless the parent is trying to cause extreme bodily harm to the child in which case it is self defense.
It is not indicative of a major problem. However, it should be considered a red-line that children must be taught not to cross.
I would agree with Menachem Melamed, but… how is he otherwise? Does he have anger issues (breaking things, tantrums)? Is he generally compliant? And last… why did he hit you? Was it within context of his anger? Or was it a show of opposition?
I would discuss his classroom behavior with his Morah/Rebbe. How is he in class?
5 is really too old for a childto be hitting his parents IF the parents have clearly established boundaries. If, for instance, the child is not reprimanded for yelling at the parents or talking back to them, he may not understand that he can’t hit them either. (still not right but it would mean different things)
If a 5 year old child his his father, this is a clear sign that the parents need parenting classes [Daas Torah ones]. Something is wrong in the way he is being brought up.
Mishlei 13:24
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One who spares his rod hates his child; one who loves him provides rebuke when he is young.
Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayim 551:18
Abba – what if the child is an immature jerk? 🙂
I think one must ask themselves where the child learned to hit from…
Hello marbehshalom, Abba bar Aristotle, and Englishman,
I have run into this situation within the context of developmental delays in my child clients (I am a child advocate attorney).
I can not say that this is a situation of a developmentally delayed child, because I am not the professional who makes this kind of diagnosis. However, in my practice, I have received training from doctors and other professionals about the warning signs of developmental disorders, because part of my job entails asking the court to order certain evaluations on my children clients. Based upon my ten years of training and practice in this area, I can tell you that violent behavior in young children is one of many possible signs of a developmental disability, including various disorders on the autism spectrum. I have spent a great deal of my professional career arranging for special education services and supports for developmentally disabled children and their families.
Contrary to popular belief that persists, autism is not caused by faulty parenting. Moreover, one of the worst possible things a caregiver of an autistic child could do to address the situation is to use corporal punishment, which will only exacerbate the problem.
As some other posters have noted, it is key to get feedback from any teachers or other professionals already interacting with this child. If behavior of concern has been noticed by teachers, an assessment may well be appropriate. Children identified with certain conditions are eligible under federal law (the IDEIA) for services from preschool age (early intervention services) all the way up to age 21, if necessary.
If a child does have a developmental disability, the earlier the intervention, the greater the chance this child has for achieving to his or her fullest potential and eventually living a self-sufficient life.
When I run into this situation in my child advocacy practice, I advise the caregivers to determine if there are any other red-flag behaviors, consult with teachers and a pediatrician, and proceed accordingly from there.
I hope that these pointers are helpful.
Golfer wrote:
The bad news- It’s not normal; it’s a problem.
The good news- You don’t need to struggle alone to fix the problem. Get someone at your child’s school, your Rav, a relative or friend whom you trust, to recommend someone who can help.
Hatzlacha!
Question: Is your son receiving direction from you through hitting? A great book about parenting is “Make Me Don’t Break Me” by R. Moshe Gans.
aurora77-I don’t think the question was about tantrums or extreme violent behavior, it was about hitting. It’s normal for a child to be upset and want to hit a parent, especially if hitting is the norm in the house. Child needs to be taught not to hit & parents need to be taught positive reinforcement.
Hello funny bone,
I agree, positive reinforcement is so key! It was hard for me to tell from the initial post what form the hitting takes — in the context of meltdowns, etc.
Hello marbehshalom,
Good luck to you — I hope this situation improves soon 🙂
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