A guy broke up with me after 10 dates

Home Forums Shidduchim A guy broke up with me after 10 dates

Viewing 29 posts - 1 through 29 (of 29 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #613568

    A guy broke up with me after 10 dates when I thought we were going to get engaged. It really broke me. Did this ever happen to anyone else here or anyone that you know and what were the reasons for the breakup?

    #1040195
    Joseph
    Participant

    It’s happened to many people recently and in the past. And will happen to many in the future. There reasons are many and always different for every person. It’s one of life’s challenges. We need to be strong and get past the difficulties we encounter. Sometimes it’s hard but we persist nevertheless.

    Time heals. It’s hard to see it at first but it comes. And then you see you were all the better for the experience. Even though it’s hard to see when the pain is fresh.

    Hatzlacha and IY”H by you.

    #1040196
    Letakein Girl
    Participant

    Are you the yeshivish girl referenced to in your last thread?

    #1040197
    Bostoner
    Participant

    First of all, I am sorry for your pain. This must be a very difficult time for you.

    This does happen, more often than you know. It hurts a lot, but it is often a hidden pain because so few people are aware of the situation. I hope there is someone (a former sem teacher; a kind aunt) you can pour out your heart to.

    #1040198
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    I am sorry, that must be so hard…

    I’m sure he didn’t do it stam, there was a good reason.

    And either way, he’s probobly also taking it hard…

    Time is the best medicine, I’m sure that this experience is just going to make you stronger and B”H it will help you be ready for the right when he comes….

    Hatzlacha!

    #1040199
    agutyar
    Participant

    This is very sad and I am sorry that this happened to you. Sometimes a boy can’t make up his mind and his advisers tell him to keep going out until he is certain that it’s “no”, so that he doesn’t make a mistake. Meanwhile the poor girl doesn’t know that he has this doubt and thinks he wants to marry her. This happened to my friend’s daughter and she was absolutely heartbroken.

    But then, when the real one came along and she got engaged she realized how lucky she was not to have married the other, and how H-shem watched over her.

    Now you are in pain and disappointment but one thing is absolutely

    true, that boy was not your bashert.

    May he come soon for you and every bat Yisrael.

    #1040200
    MyTurnAtBat
    Member

    It happened to me about 10 times. And since I’m a male, it came at the end of 10 rounds of driving 2 hours, buying them dinner, and trying to act perfect to keep their crazy fears at bay.

    People today are looney tunes and it can make shiduchim a severe test. Many expect too much from people and don’t know how to form a connection.

    It’s just something to endure.

    A Rav once suggested to me to be business like about dating. Don’t take it all to heart, don’t get emotional about it. I found it to be good advice.

    Just get out there again. The main point of marriage is children and having another person in the room. You’ll find another. Don’t get attached until you are married.

    #1040201
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Myturnatbat: that is terrible advice. The point of dating is to get attached and let yourself become vulnerable. A sad consequence is you often get hurt. But if you stop playing the game, you can never win.

    #1040203
    yaakov doe
    Participant

    Keep in mind, it’s much better that it happed now than if had happened after the chuppa.

    #1040204
    ernsteyid
    Participant

    I am so sorry about your current situation. Remember that the situation now is just that – current. Gam ze yaavor. Shidduchim is a hard parshah, i don’t think i need to tell you that. You are not alone in the sea of shidduchim and bezras Hashem, the right shaliach will come along soon and set you up with the right one. Just keep on davening. He is always listening.

    #1040205
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    If you think the point of marriage is children and having another person in the room, why shouldn’t the whole thing be random?

    #1040206
    Miriam377
    Participant

    It happened to me 14 years ago. I was going out with a great guy, we loved talking, walking around, going to dinner, and we broke up.

    1 year later almost to the day, I get a call from a HS Teacher asking me if I was still interested.

    3 months later we were married.

    #1040207
    thethinkingjew
    Participant

    frumjewishgirl:

    im so sorry to hear about that. that must be so hard.

    give yourself time to heal. do things that make you feel good about yourself. go pamper yourself to try and keep your mind off it all.

    hatzlacha and IYH may we hear exciting news soon.

    #1040208
    MyTurnAtBat
    Member

    “If you think the point of marriage is children and having another person in the room, why shouldn’t the whole thing be random?”

    Has to be another person in the same religious ballpark so it can’t be random.

    #1040209

    I divorced my wife by texting…

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    The shadchan

    #1040210
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    VM, you could have had the decency to at least send an email.

    #1040211
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Have anyone here ever been the guy in this story?

    #1040212
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    MyTurnAtBat, then you still don’t have to date. You can just have a short survey:

    Section 1:

    What is your religious ballpark?

    Do you plan to work?

    Do you want to live in ______or_________?

    If your answers are____________, you may proceed to section 2

    Section 2:

    What is your name?

    Will you marry me?

    #1040213
    BatMelech
    Participant

    Veltz Meshugener I hope you are joking. Frumjewishgirl, I give you a bracha that you will find your zivug soon and see that everything is from Hashem!

    #1040214
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Veltz Meshugener I hope you are joking.

    The shadchan hopes so too. I’m not sure what his wife hopes.

    #1040215
    oomis
    Participant

    I am deeply saddened for the obvious pain this has caused you. And the fact that the pain would be worse after the fact of marriage, is of little comfort. But I hope you may be comforted by the idea that this shidduch was not the right time and place for you (see my post in the Mazel tov thread.)

    When it’s right, it’s right. This was not your time with this person.

    #1040216
    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    A. While I hear why u might wanna go about dating without emotions, you can’t really expect a female to do that (ayin other threads about girls not able to learn I’m guessing)

    B. I don’t think you shud get your hopes up to marry him when he changes his mind next year. U shud get over the break up, dust yourself off, and pick up those high heels once more.

    C. No matter how it happened and who broke it of it’s always hard for both sides. Once I dropped a girl after 6 and after I pulled away I pulled over and just started screaming like a madman ($&?!). Time heals wounds, dw theres light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll get over soon, for now theres ice cream.

    #1040217
    junjun
    Member

    It happened to me too. What I have to say is, there’s no reason for him to consider himself a mentsch if he waited 10 dates to break up and couldn’t even tell you why. Clearly he has issues, and you can do so much better than him. These things don’t “just happen”, ok? People do things that they will have to answer for after 120; just know that your suffering and heartbreak today will lead you closer to the one and help you grow as a person to be more sensitive to others. It’s unfortunate that some people weren’t raised similarly to do so.

    #1040218
    miritchka
    Member

    When i was dating, i once turned down a boy after 6 dates. I was never sure if i wanted to continue but was advised that if i dont find anything to say no about, then i should continue. At the end of the 6th date, he asked me if he could call me directly without the shadchan. I dont remember what i told him, but I got scared off and stopped the whole shidduch. B”h I am happily married for about 10 yrs…to someone else

    #1040219
    junjun
    Member

    …And from his side, he was heartbroken because he couldn’t understand why you’d broken up with him after it going so well…I sincerely hope you apologized because yes, this sounds typical. Like I said, these things don’t “just happen”; people do things that cause heartbreak, and after 120, they’ll have to answer for it.

    #1040220
    Joseph
    Participant

    I don’t think one needs to “apologize” for discontinuing dating someone even if after a large number of dates. One needn’t marry someone in order to avoid that person experiencing heartbreak. Of course common courtesy of a pro-forma explanation should be provided but even that should typically be limited to something along the lines that one sees the other person as a great person but simply not the right match for themselves. Giving very specific personal reasons why one chose to discontinue dating could be hurtful to the other person.

    #1040221
    Being Real
    Participant

    I personally ended it with a girl recently after going out over 10 times it is very sad and heart breaking for all parties involved but I did what I had to do I tried everything to fix the issue and I just wasn’t happy Many many advisors rabbeim and friend pushed me to just go for it but in the end its your life and you must be happy!!Cant emphasize that enough! Mabye we are a shidduch for each other you never know….

    #1040222
    Poster
    Member

    I dated a boy a bunch of times and had a very specific hesitation. Finally I decided I needed to speak to my rav that was out of town for 3 days.

    I told the shadchan that I need 3 days until my rav is back in town.

    The boy got hurt/upset that I was keeping him “on hold”. He said its not mentchlich to keep a shidduch mid-way on standstill.

    When I told my hesitations to the rav he advised me to continue with the shidduch, but by this time the boy was no longer interested in me.

    I was heartbroken and so was he as I heard later from his relative. That shidduch never happened. I took this whole saga very hard throughout my dating years. I thought this boy was for me. It wasn’t easy at that time.

    “Gam Ze Ya’avor”

    #1040223
    takahmamash
    Participant

    It happened to me; the girl broke up with me over the phone after a good amount of dates. I wanted to know why, but she never did tell me. It took a few years, but B”H I found the right one for me. I hope FJG is doing better; she started this thread two months ago.

Viewing 29 posts - 1 through 29 (of 29 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.