Achdus Versus Sholom Bayis

BS”D

After every tragedy and as a response to every crisis, a plea goes out to increase in achdus. But is it really achdus that we are looking for during normal times, or rather sholom bayis, where every member of klal Yisroel is an individual but there is no strife between different Torah viewpoints?

It is only right that when a tragedy such as Merkaz HaRav or Mumbai or the Qassams befell a segment of our people, that we set aside our differences and do what we can begashmius and beruchnius to help. But are we really expected to suddenly support a derech that does not appeal to our particular nature, background and circumstances because evil terrorists happened to attack those for whom it is their correct path?

I debated whether to change my ringtone of Hashem Hu Malkeinu during the Gaza operation. In the end, not only did I not change it (after all Menachem Toker, whom I suspect is far more accepting of the medine than I am, continued to play it) but I set it off davka as I stood off on the side of a flag and Hatikva filled demonstration saying tehillim and politely but firmly refusing to take a small flag. That is because, while all Jews must support each other in times of trouble, we cannot in essence allow the yetzer horo to allow us to accept that which we cannot normally accept.

And I as a very active Lubavitcher winced when someone said “We are all Chabad” on the day of the Mumbai massacre. No, I wouldn’t even want to see that happen if it could happen. Only Moshiach can decide that all of us must follow a certain derech; trying to force conformity will only lead to resentment because we are by nature not conformist and we really do not need to lose 69 of the 70 ponim of Torah!

If someone made a chassidus shiur available online in their memory for the shloshim, and others preferred to say tehillim or learn the gemara Brochos that Rav Teitelbaum HYD was holding when he was murdered, I would not expect everyone to all of a sudden tune into the shiur (unless that would have somehow forced Moshiach by overtaxing the server and forcing Moshiach to reveal some new technology to keep it going, but this does not make sense according to the Rambam in Hilchos Moshiach who makes it clear that such a thing will not suddenly happen).

But what was unacceptable (and fortunately rare) was when people came out and attacked those who were hurt most directly by the tragedies. No, we do not have to start singing “hanigun hayadua” in memory of those who saw value in it. But only the callous fools of the Ku Klutz Kartel and a few of their online minions could possibly demonstrate against the medine during the time of the Qassams. Yes, I correctly and sadly predicted the surrender of the government in Gaza – but that does not abrogate my responsibility and ahavas Yisroel for those who believe that the Torah commands them to serve in the physical defense of am Yisroel via an army that has sadly lost its leadership.

Then, there were those who chose the unfortunately ill chosen words of a very emotional man at a very emotional time as a way to break the spirit of cooperation by using the words to attack Chabad as a whole. Now, everyone who has seen the telethon knows who that person is and how he expresses himself at times; I know (and greatly admire) him personally and I know that he believes nothing even remotely ossur and he is very careful to keep and make sure everyone around him keeps the mitzvos behiddur even when he is abroad in primitive conditions. Only an achzar who is out to score points for himself can take that and use it as a point of attack at a time like that; anyone else who cannot understand it would simply brush it off as something said in the heat of a terrible moment which he probably knew was even more terrible than we did at the time.

And there are other examples; one particular example is those who use the molestation issue as a weapon to attack a highly respected Chassidus as well as chas vesholom a godol beYisroel who is practically a century old and knows and has done more and learned more in one day of those nearly 100 years than his detractors will ever do.

So, how do we solve this?

The answer is – recognize that everyone is different and do not argue with those who are clearly 100% al pi Torah but practice or have viewpoints different from yours when it comes to the details.

How do we do it?

One: Ignore the extremists and the strange statements and do not fight with them or try to disprove them. Do not wade into the sewer to argue with one who lives there; pull him out if you can but if not, let someone else handle it. Reality or Moshiach will burn them out in due time – and if a strange statement was made at a strange time, it is the same as someone screaming out in pain. (lehavdil you DON’T want to know what I once screamed at the top of my lungs when my new hat went flying under a truck on Kingston Avenue – sometimes people say the strangest things in times of sudden distress and there are losses far greater than that of an insured Borsalino.) If you cannot soothe their pain, do not add to it. And if someone is trying to prove something you find distasteful but he is otherwise 100% within halacha, be thankful that he remains 100% within halacha and save your energy for arguing with those who really do damage to our people and show disdain for His Torah (anti-Semites and choilei nefesh shebeYisroel a/k/a militant secularists, leaders of the “movements” and leftists).

Two: Ignore those who don’t follow one: above. Like all extremists and baalei machloikes, they are looking for one thing – attention. It is one thing to answer someone who is trying to convince others of his derech in a legitimate debate, and another to even pay attention to someone who is disparaging every other derech out there and claiming they are greater than our true Torah leaders as they ascribe corrupt motives to everyone but their bloated selves. Most of the unacceptable dialogue is happening online; this is because some bloggers and commentators are looking for attention or have issues of their own and they use the anonymity and low cost of the Net to sound bigger than they really are.

And most important, they and the extremists don’t represent anyone but themselves. Some hold very hard to explain minority deois and are sincere but may be wrong; others are just plain out there looking for attention; still others are so fixated on some small point of Torah that they forget the rest of the 613 mitzvois.

Three: Realize that those who follow drachim other than your own are often sincere – and if you think or even have proof that they are sincerely wrong it is none of your business to correct them outside the rules of a legitimate debate unless they ask you or they have expressed doubts about their position. There are so many Yidden who do not even know what the words derech or hashkafah mean; they are the Yidden we need to attract to whatever community suits them best!

Four: Keep the mikveh talk for the mikveh. Even if you refer to someone well known in the community, whom others respect, as a shaygetz or a meshuggener, keep that within your dalet amois and don’t post your opinion on the Net or share it with others unless asked. I know for a fact that all you accomplish that way is to drive the other person to check out just what it is that you are lambasting and he often finds it better than your derech that you have been ramming down his throat.

Five: If you feel you have something good, whether it’s mussar or Chassidus or even the teachings of Rav Kook, don’t force it down anyone’s throat especially online. Not everyone has 26 hours a day or is able to handle a new approach; some people stay at home by nature and others need to travel every week.

Do what the professionals do and teach it in a non-threatening manner and make it clear that you just want people to appreciate another interpretation that you find interesting and meaningful. In the end, you will accomplish what your goal should be – to widen people’s understanding of Torah in a friendly and warm manner full of ahavas Yisroel – which is how the most successful kiruv activists bring people to Torah in general.

Six: There is a time to work together – any time when we can- but there is no place for anyone to give up his own identity or goals. We are just not monolithic by nature; two Jews three opinions is human nature that seems especially pronounced among Jews. We can help our neighbors build their sukkah – but that does not give us the right to decide whose picture or what type of decorations go up there unless we are asked.

But most important, don’t expect achdus meaning where everyone becomes the same. Achdus is when we all work together for a common goal, each one in his own way. The term should be saved for certain times and for certain places. Instead, we should strive for sholom bayis, where we see klal Yisroel as one family in which every member has a different nature and different talents.