May 16, 2017 9:31 am at 9:31 am #1277068hudiParticipant
What do you think about a 26 y.o. woman dating a 34 y.o. male?May 16, 2017 9:43 am at 9:43 am #1277111
This happens all the time….both should have the independent judgment and maturity to make it work; certainly more so than two teenagers being pushed into a shiduch by their families. While there is no guarantee in shiduchim at any age, there are many reasons why one or both may have deferred marriage while pursuing graduate school, professional training etc.May 16, 2017 10:30 am at 10:30 am #1277116
Anything within 10 years is no big deal. More than 10 years is situation dependent.May 16, 2017 10:31 am at 10:31 am #1277118WinnieThePoohParticipant
I think that it really does not matter what I think, or anyone else thinks, except for the 26 y.o. woman and 34 y.o. male in question. There are couples who are closer in age, and couples with a larger age gap, as long as the couple in question feel comfortable, why not? (Just don’t tell Nasi!)May 16, 2017 2:37 pm at 2:37 pm #1277283ema2fiveParticipant
my husband and I are almost 8 years apart. we met when I was 21 and he had just turned 29. This was 27 years agoMay 16, 2017 2:50 pm at 2:50 pm #1277294
If both live out their natural lifespans, that’s many years of widowhood.May 16, 2017 2:59 pm at 2:59 pm #1277298
Mazel tov on making it through 27 years and may you have at least 27 more….
Its unclear why there is so much focus on the possible risks of delaying marriage “C’V” to your late 20s and early 30s rather than openly discussing the real issue of pushing down the age of kiddushin to the teens and then expecting children having children to behave like adults.May 16, 2017 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #1277299
“Natural lifespans” varies greatly between one person and the next and between spouses.
So does the question of how long anyone will live, young or old.May 16, 2017 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #1277301
And apparently many years of happiness and several children, bli ayin hara.
The alternative could have been many years of singlehood. And apparently, most people think it’s better to have the risk of widowhood than to be single (otherwise, no one would get married. You can’t be a widow without being married. And if you choose to get married, you have more than a 50% chance of becoming a widow).May 16, 2017 5:14 pm at 5:14 pm #1277344
Adulthood starts at age 13.May 16, 2017 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm #1277418popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Rule is half your age plus 7.
So 34 year old man can marry 24 and up. So it’s fine.May 16, 2017 7:58 pm at 7:58 pm #1277443
PBA – you forgot part of the rule. That is the rule until age 24. After that, the first word of the rule gets deleted.May 17, 2017 1:42 am at 1:42 am #1277589
So if we hold by your standards, the parents of an unmarried baas yisroel at the age of 15 should be in full scale panic, have every shadchan in willy and BP on retainer and be flying over to EY for a segulah or tefillah for a shidduch through some rav who charges top dollar but who guarantees 100 percent success …Its scary that some actually think in terms of children of 13 years (aka “adults”)are ready for marriage and making babies…no wonder there is such hysteria in the frum tzibur about a so called “shiduch crisis”May 17, 2017 2:17 am at 2:17 am #1277601
Need I remind you that the State of New York permits marriage beginning at age 14? Our zaidas and bubbes often married even younger. Our yiddishe brethren from Teiman even today marry that young. We’ve been doing so for thousands of years.May 17, 2017 10:11 am at 10:11 am #1277665
You don’t need to remind me that some provisions of state law remain in place from common law predicates from an agrarian society in the 1600s and our politically impotent legislators don’t want to rewrite legal concepts which trigger extreme passions on moral and religious holdings so they leave the status quo. As to our “zaidas and bubbes” marrying as children, not sure if you truly believe that’s a good idea in contemporary society or your just trolling us…either way, its a really stupid idea. Our children should be getting the best possible education in both limudei kodesh and whatever level of secular studies their parents’ haskahfah will allow. They should be allowed to work for a while to accumulate at least a minimal level of savings to support themselves in the event their parents lack the resources to support them. Most importantly, they should be allowed to mature naturally rather than being subject to these bizarre pressures in some circles to marry asap, lest they (especially the girls) be deemed “damaged goods”. One can not hope for good outcomes for anyone who creates such pressures or engages in the lashon haroh about boys and girls in their 20s and 30s who have chosen to defer kiddushin.May 17, 2017 5:39 pm at 5:39 pm #1278907mentsch1Participant
Plenty of chassidik communities marry the girls at age 16/17. It seems to work for them.May 17, 2017 6:44 pm at 6:44 pm #1279980
16/17 is too young to be safe.May 17, 2017 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #1280140
As long as she’s over bas mitzvah she’s an adult and good to go.May 17, 2017 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #1280151
I won’t cite the actual medical reasons 12 year olds shouldn’t get married, but no, they should not.May 17, 2017 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #1280156
It depends on the girl and on whether or not her parents can be trusted and on the norm in her community.May 17, 2017 10:48 pm at 10:48 pm #1280207
To Joseph….its mamash child abuse to push them into marriage at 13-16, and probably a bad idea before 18 or 19. If you want to troll on this issue, I’m sure you’ll find other to take the bait but unless your having substantial issues of your own, please don’t suggest kiddushin for childrenMay 17, 2017 11:28 pm at 11:28 pm #1280229
safe in what way?May 17, 2017 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm #1280243
Safe from physical and psychological harm.May 18, 2017 10:46 am at 10:46 am #1280443
Thinking of myself at 16 and 20-22, I’m not sure that I would have been safer at 20-22 than at 16. In fact at 16, I probably would have been more likely to run home if there were a problem than at 20-22 when I probably wouldn’t have told anyone.
I’m not saying you’re wrong; I’m just thinking about how I think I would have reacted c”v. But I could be unusual and I could also be wrong about myself.
The thing to remember is that in communities in which it’s the norm, generally the parents are very involved and there is a strong safety net both in terms of the family and the community. So it may actually be safer than a 20-year old getting married in other communities in which people are more on their own.
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