December 26, 2010 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #727211cofeefanMember
usually the heavy girls that start heavy only get heavier, and the skinny girls that got heavy after their wedding try at least to loose it they dont want to be heavy.”
and heavy girls don’t try to loose it????? they don’t care?? only skinny girls care and try… that is the most insensitive thing i have heard in a long time. it may be true but you said it in a very wrong way i’m sorry. u probably meant something else but the way it sounds really isn’t niceDecember 26, 2010 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #727212Trying my bestMember
“On the other hand, there is a possibility that the husband will put pressure on his wife to regain her figure, which is an unfair expectation to demand from a woman who just went through 9 months of pregnancy, childbirth and months of nursing.”
Keep that point in mind when dating a shallow guy who insists on Size X.December 26, 2010 5:50 pm at 5:50 pm #727213dunnoMember
If the overweight guy can get the gorgeous girl, good for him. It’s not a matter of fairness.
Great response to so right.December 26, 2010 6:13 pm at 6:13 pm #727214deiyezoogerMember
im sorry cofeefan i might of been to blunt but i meant is the boys out there, they may if they want be choosy you cant force then to date or marry a overweight girl they could be on the lookout for something nice and yes there are some out there that like it when its a little more than just skinny…..December 26, 2010 6:17 pm at 6:17 pm #727215bombmaniacParticipant
its not a matter of shallow…how are you supposed to marry a woman you arent attracted to? i mean…just to marry someone because you feel bad about rejecting them doesnt seem very advisable. besides…what will probably happen if you is that you will spend your time staring at other women rather than your own wife.December 26, 2010 6:51 pm at 6:51 pm #727216cofeefanMember
deiyezooger- 100% u can’t force someone to marry someone i just didn’t liike the way you put it but now that u explained it i understand.
we all just have to keep in mind that what is attractive to one person might be repulsive to another and vise versa and that doesnt mean one is better than the other. like my friend put. “there is a cover that fits every pot, but they fit only one” meaning everyone has someone they will be stunning and perfect for (no matter their size) and that’s all that matters right?January 12, 2011 8:21 pm at 8:21 pm #727217
Someone said: “if they can be ok with it later, let them be ok now”… Life doesn’t work like that. Initial attraction is critical to starting the process of building intimacy and then once their is a strong emotional intimacy the bond will withstand physical changes. That is why Hkb’h made younger people (guys and girls) more attractive than older people. This is one of the challenges for older singles (divorced and never married). Our heads are still looking for what we found attractive 20 years ago while the available options for dating are 20 years older. This is one of the reasons (albeit a shallow one, there are others as well) why older guys often try to date younger women. Additional reasons in next post.January 12, 2011 8:24 pm at 8:24 pm #727218
A second reason why older guys often want to date younger women is because they want to try and have children with their future wife. I put this in a second post because I figured the mods might delete it for being Politically Incorrect.January 12, 2011 8:34 pm at 8:34 pm #727219SJSinNYCMember
iybyu, I don’t think its shallow. Attraction is a part of marriage and if you don’t think you can be attracted to her, its not for you.
A bit of advice though? My sister went out with a guy and when he walked in I thought he was really ugly and squashed looking. She dating him a few times but it just wasn’t right. Then she set him up with her friend and they ended up getting married. After getting to know him a bit more, his looks got better and better.
If you can’t find a “real” reason (like hashkafa or something), I recommend a few more dates to see. I don’t think 2 dates truly does it. I would recommend 4-5 if you are hashkafically similiar and are having a nice time with her.January 12, 2011 8:37 pm at 8:37 pm #727220WolfishMusingsParticipant
They don’t have to accept/reject your post on an all-or-nothing basis… they can edit it too.
The WolfJanuary 12, 2011 9:16 pm at 9:16 pm #727221RaisedEyebrowMember
SJS- 100% best advice here. I’ve seen it time & again…January 12, 2011 9:20 pm at 9:20 pm #727222
Hi Wolf – I just started posting on these forums and so far the one post they rejected was IMO perfectly kosher and they rejected it out of hand without editing. The only think I could find potentially objectionable is a reference to the stage in life when I woman cannot have children anymore. In the torah this is called “Chadal LiHiyos La Orach KaNashim”, I used the secular term. Hopefully next time they will edit instead of reject out of hand.
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