December 21, 2008 12:58 am at 12:58 am #588923BemusedParticipant
Anger management difficulties are appearing with increasing frequency in some of the CR threads.
Please use this thread for free group therapy- members challenged with this weakness can offer support and strategies to one another in an effort to gain control in this most critical area.
When conversation in other threads devolve into attacks on individuals or groups, participants may direct anger-challenged interlocuters to this thread. Hopefully, group therapy in this area will facilitate more mature and depersonalized discussion in the CR, as well as provide assistance and support to those in need.December 21, 2008 1:31 am at 1:31 am #649452noitallmrParticipant
“When your angry with someone, very angry, angry enough to hit, take 10 deep breaths and count to 15. Your anger will be half…Tried and tested.
Read R’ Twersky’s anger management in the Hamodia.December 21, 2008 2:46 am at 2:46 am #649453BemusedParticipant
Thank you, noitallmr,
If someone feels angry enough “to hit” in the CR, I hope they will consider your quote…December 21, 2008 4:06 am at 4:06 am #649454yankdownunderMember
Learn to juggle bean bags- you have to concentrate on the bean bags, that if you are not focused on them the bb`s will fall. Do an act of chesed- volunteer to visit elderly relatives or non-relatives at a Nursing Home. Go Swimming, or to the Gym. Hashem can help them.December 21, 2008 4:23 am at 4:23 am #649455brooklyn19Participant
get a coat with a zillion buttons like… which rabbi was that? he used to put it on and button it up, then unbutton it again. by the time he was done he was calmed down. who was it again? ouch i hate forgetting things.December 21, 2008 4:28 am at 4:28 am #649456
lol this group could be useful to some!!!!(not all though)December 21, 2008 6:36 am at 6:36 am #649457mazal77Participant
penalize yourself everytime you get angry. Set aside a certain amount of money that you will give to tzedakah (not a measly amount, you want something tangible) and if you lose your temper, you have to give it to tzedakah. I think I read of this somewhere, on how to control your temper, but I forgot the source.December 21, 2008 2:11 pm at 2:11 pm #649458intellegentMember
Can you believe that people actually get ANGRY at some anonymous poster?December 21, 2008 3:07 pm at 3:07 pm #649459noitallmrParticipant
Really brooklyn19? Please try find out who…thanxDecember 22, 2008 2:55 pm at 2:55 pm #649460gavra_at_workParticipant
OmDecember 22, 2008 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #649461
Hi, my name is squeak. <pause>
I have had 2 anger free weeks thanks to your support. The other day I was about to get angry at the guy who cut in front of me at the checkout line, but then I decided to just deduct the time I lost from the time I would have spent on CR and I avoided an incident.
Thanks for listening.
Anyone else have something to share?December 22, 2008 4:31 pm at 4:31 pm #649462gavra_at_workParticipant
Hi, squeakDecember 22, 2008 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #649463
Thank you for sharing squeak.December 22, 2008 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm #649464KeepinEntertainedMember
lol, this thread is funny….goin 4 psychology in college so i’m going to havta refer to this thread when im learnin bout anger management,
but on a side note i really believe there is no point at gettin angry or worked up bout somethin you cant change…wats the point?! just smile and remain calm and eventually whateva it is that seems so important and causes such anger will fade away!!
also, it rly is funny the steam that goes on in this CR…ppl bein mad at someone they dont even kno!! ha ha ha!! thats funnnnnnnnnnnyy!December 22, 2008 7:04 pm at 7:04 pm #649465
lol better to let out anger here then in real life i guess!December 22, 2008 9:34 pm at 9:34 pm #649466
When you dont see the person face to face it is easier to be nasty and let out your anger. But it shows that you are not the good person you are just doing it so other people say you are nice because noone will call you a mean person.December 23, 2008 12:44 am at 12:44 am #649467
way to go!!! keep it up!!!December 23, 2008 2:04 am at 2:04 am #649468JosephParticipant
your upDecember 23, 2008 4:54 am at 4:54 am #649469TOHIGHSCHOOLGUYMember
Hi, my name is ____________________ and I get mad at people who I don’t even know, for typing things that are quite possibly said just to annoy me. I have been anger free for 3 days now, and …………………….December 23, 2008 6:31 am at 6:31 am #649470
Joseph: i don’t have an anger management issue!!! but if you do, how about sharing!!???December 23, 2008 12:55 pm at 12:55 pm #649471intellegentMember
As a side point, isn’t it just the BEST therapy when someone is angry for someone else to say, “CALM DOWN!”? The angry person usually becomes as calm as a duck, no?December 23, 2008 3:39 pm at 3:39 pm #649472
yea an angry duckDecember 23, 2008 4:30 pm at 4:30 pm #649473Feif UnParticipant
asdfghjkl: I think it would be more like this:
Joseph: I have an anger management issue. However, I only get angry when someone isn’t following <s>my chumros</s> following the Torah, so if you think I need some help, you’re an apikores.
(Let’s see if the strikethrough worked)December 23, 2008 5:09 pm at 5:09 pm #649474
I heard if financially possible the best way to get ride of your enemies, is to give each a million dollars, they will hate you forever, and in one case he caused two of them to commit suicide…December 23, 2008 6:37 pm at 6:37 pm #649475KeepinEntertainedMember
[email protected], did he get the money back after those 2 committed suicide?December 23, 2008 9:00 pm at 9:00 pm #649476CuriousMember
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oh gosh curious these drawings are cracking me up my co workers think Im officially retarted.December 23, 2008 11:38 pm at 11:38 pm #649478CuriousMember
Yah, I thought this one was appropriate for this thread.December 24, 2008 12:38 am at 12:38 am #649479
lol your hilarious!!!!!!!December 24, 2008 5:07 pm at 5:07 pm #649480
that is really funny!!December 24, 2008 7:39 pm at 7:39 pm #649481MountainEducatorMember
Does anyone have info if there are any frum self help groups anywhere? (Besides Jacks)December 24, 2008 8:13 pm at 8:13 pm #649482
MountainEducator you could try the Yitty Leibel hotline, I’m not sure exactly what it is but anyone can call and it’s completely anonomys.December 24, 2008 8:15 pm at 8:15 pm #649483
These are the numbers for the yitty leibel helpline. All frum therapists
New York City 1-718-HELP-NOW (435-7669)
Chicago 1 -800-HELP-023.
Lakewood, NJ 1-908-363-1010.
Cleveland, OH 1-888-209-8079 …December 25, 2008 12:16 am at 12:16 am #649484MountainEducatorMember
Yitty Leibel Hotline is as you said anomymous therapists.
Just like this thread is about (semi-sarcastically) group therapy for anger management, I would like info if there exists any organized groups for personal growth issues. They may be geared toward improving oneswelf in: self esteem, fear, public speaking skills, organizational techniqes, time management, conflict resolution, advanced social skills etc.
I believe there are many people who are managing just fine (or at least whats socially considered to be fine) and would benefit greatly from such support groupsDecember 25, 2008 2:35 pm at 2:35 pm #649485
oh I’m not sure I could try to find out I tried googling it but didn’t come up with anything that sounded like what your looking forJanuary 12, 2009 10:12 pm at 10:12 pm #649486
once again i’m slow on the uptake- first time i’m readin this topic. but boy! squeak- that was hilarious… and myshadow- agreed 100%January 13, 2009 12:44 am at 12:44 am #649487
this is serious here: what do I do when someone is provoking my anger? I dont think I have done anything that horrific that this person, who I need to be in close contact with, will not talk to me unless it is to point out one of my problems/errors/mistakes.
I really mean it… I try to smile at them, thank them when they did something nice for me (rare)…someone gave me the advice to do favors for them, as ahava=giving and one gains love by giving to them.
(now, if you are the one doing it, please tell me why anonymously via the CR…it gets kind of weird to think that they may be reading this…)January 13, 2009 3:24 am at 3:24 am #649488
I have a fan. I HAVE A FAN! WOW!
havesomeseichel – Yes, I do have a suggestion. First of all, I recommend that you try to understand that there are some people who have difficulty dealing with other people. In general these people are very difficult to deal with, but they can be dealt with if you are PATIENT!!! The solution is not to only work on doing everything to please them – because that is usually impossible (and also because “fixing” yourself will not make this person’s problem go away, but that’s not your concern).
I don’t know much about your situation, but I can suggest a starting point. You say that this person won’t talk to you (or barely does) except to provide criticism. How about if you try to develop a segment of your relationship with this person in a neutral way. Try to find something to talk about that can produce a conversation. You might start with talking about what you did over the weekend, or maybe how you found this great deal on something. Try to get the other person’s interest, and maybe he or she will respond with something of his own. Start simple. Hopefully, after a while this person will offer something more than just idle small talk. That is where you are trying to go. But don’t hurry or force it.
I think that if this is successful, it can be the foundation for getting this person to see you as a human being who needs to be treated with respect. If the person respected you, he or she would not be treating you in this way. I might be making more of this situation than there is to it, but that’s because I don’t know what it is really like.
Good luck!January 13, 2009 4:11 pm at 4:11 pm #649489
yes squeak- a FAN! you know- the type that spins and cools the person near it. Perfect for the cool down session of anger managementJanuary 14, 2009 5:03 pm at 5:03 pm #649490
Thanks squeak… i might be fan #2….too bad that i already tried finding common ground and something neutral to talk about and she wouldnt continue the conversation… hard to talk when someone is responding in one or two words…
Can I send this person here for therapy? (OH NO-THE DREADED T-WORD) But then they would read this and know I am talking about them…January 14, 2009 5:07 pm at 5:07 pm #649491
ok, maybe I am a bit paranoid that they are watching me…. can we make this into a general “CR Psychotic disorder” group? I think more people will be helped by this than just me.
The following types are welcome: Are you:
-paranoid that people will find out your sn?
-lacking in anger management control?
-fearing you have multiple personality disorder?(Common symptom is having more then 1 sn)
-laughing so hard that your coworkers are ready to have you admitted?January 14, 2009 6:35 pm at 6:35 pm #649492
Common ground is not your intial goal. One or two word responses are. Keep it up, the key word is patience.January 14, 2009 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #649493
squeak… thanks! I will see if it helps! I will try to keep that line of communication open …even if it is for one or two word conversations.January 14, 2009 7:04 pm at 7:04 pm #649494
havesomeseichel, definately #4, my coworkers think im slowly going off the deep endJanuary 14, 2009 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #649495
i nominate squeak as the official CR psychologist (every psychologist needs one)January 15, 2009 12:10 am at 12:10 am #649496JotharMember
Let’s all go to Call of the Shofar and work out our problems there.January 15, 2009 10:49 pm at 10:49 pm #649497
Jothar- you’ve got this really amazing talent for killing a good thread. i accuse you of being the YW EditorJanuary 16, 2009 5:02 am at 5:02 am #649498
Lets not let him destroy it.. i need my help…
I_______ wanted to yell at someone and instead, to calm down, came on the computer! It really works! Thank you everyone!January 16, 2009 2:48 pm at 2:48 pm #649499
Props seichel!January 16, 2009 2:57 pm at 2:57 pm #649500
Good job, seichel! You are in control of how you feel about this person’s behavior. If you don’t want to let it bother you, no one else can make it bother you. That won’t stop his behavior, but keep in mind that that is purely HIS issue. Nothing he does is your problem, only your reaction is.
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