April 30, 2012 1:52 am at 1:52 am #603175
Hi I am suffering with very bad anxiety at random times during the day. Last year I was in a yeshiva and had become very dependant on a certain rebbe in the yeshiva. It was terrible I was suffering so badly. It got to a point where I had to leave the yeshiva bc it was either me or the rebbe and of course he wasn’t the one getting chucked… Now it’s been over a year but I stll suffer sometimes when different things trigger and remind me of the rabbi or the times i spent with him…We were so close and now it is so hard to not have anything to do with him anymore. I try to tell myself many things like that this all happened with a cheshbon. Hashem had a reaon and it was and is all for my good. That I should appreciate how Hashem sends me his messengers whenever i neeed help with anything at the right times…BUT i stilll suffer very badly sometimes…any suggestions or advice?April 30, 2012 3:39 am at 3:39 am #871718holy brotherParticipant
Call Rabbi babad from releif 7184310352. He will set you up with a proper therapist that can help you. Chazak vemutz!April 30, 2012 3:43 am at 3:43 am #871719i love coffeParticipant
Maybe, since you look up so much to your Rabbi but can no longer be with him any more, you could try to be like him and follow in his great ways. I am not saying that you have to become a Rabbi, but maybe you can follow in the many great things that he does. I think that this is how you can help yourself from not feeling so removed or far away from him.
Best of luck!April 30, 2012 4:14 am at 4:14 am #871720
It’s so scary how I know exactly what you are talking about and I can relate 100% percent! This year I have become so attached to teacher ( in a helpful way) and at times I feel such immense anxiety I feel like I’m having a full blown panic attack! Even when I’m not in school and just think about how we talk when we’re together it gives me such an attack! Do u mind elaborating on the point why u had to leave? Was it because u got to dependent on the rebbe or just for other private reasons? ( just curious )April 30, 2012 3:47 pm at 3:47 pm #871721No One Mourns The WickedMember
It is never a good idea to become too dependent on anyone other than yourself..
That being said, perhaps a therapist would be able to explore the nature of your relationship with your rebbi and bring you to a place of closure.April 30, 2012 5:05 pm at 5:05 pm #871723HealthParticipant
holy brother -“Call Rabbi babad from releif 7184310352. He will set you up with a proper therapist that can help you. Chazak vemutz!”
Mods -I’ll try again.
I agree with going for therapy. It’s also a good idea to go to a Psychiatrist -in case you need medication.April 30, 2012 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #871724
takewatlifegivesyou: Sure I had to leave bc i became too attached and i felt like i would get jealous and feel sad (anxious) whenever he would talk to other ppl and i would need ro spk to him right away at would be terrible! thank god it calmed down but now it gets bad every so oftenApril 30, 2012 10:24 pm at 10:24 pm #871725
I can relate to how u feel 100% percent! I also get very jealous when other people talk to this rebbe of mine and I feel very anxious all the time like I must tell him what I’m feeling or who knows what we happen. When we had vacation I felt extremely anxious n was looking forward to skool starting and now I just feel like I must talk what’s on my mind all the time which isn’t very possible. Feel the same way?April 30, 2012 10:25 pm at 10:25 pm #871726
I can relate to how u feel 100% percent! I also get very jealous when other people talk to this rebbe of mine and I feel very anxious all the time like I must tell him what I’m feeling or who knows what we happen. When we had vacation I felt extremely anxious n was looking forward to skool starting and now I just feel like I must talk what’s on my mind all the time which isn’t very possible. Feel the same way?April 30, 2012 11:17 pm at 11:17 pm #871727
takewhatlifegivesyou: Omg this is scary how similar our situations are/were i would dread when the yeshiva was having off weeks in advance or maybe just days but it was so hard it felt like weeks! And then during the breaks I would make every effort to see the rebbe and to talk to him… our yeshiva had in and out shabbats every other week and I would have to go talk to him after evry shabbat that i wasnt in yeshiva so that i wouldn’t miss him so much! omg i wish i could talk to u about this it was/is the most difficult thing… how long ago did u go through this? are u still in the yeshiva? what did u do during ben hazmanm? and of course u probably felt like other ppl realized but they completly didnt notice a thing!April 30, 2012 11:35 pm at 11:35 pm #871728
It’s gettin even a bit freaky since when I read ur post I felt myself doing those exact same things! Like I only have this rebbe 2x a week n whenever we miss that lesson for a trip or speach I get so upset and anxious whilr everyone else is soo excited to miss a lesson! Yes it is so difficult! And I am currently going through it! I seriously have panic attacks when I think about the situation and the fact that I can’t talk to him ASAP! Also it scares me to think that next year I won’t be able to talk to him anymore since he will no longer be my rebbe! What do u mean by I thought other people noticed while they really didn’t at all? Because I hate the feeling where everyone knows me as the kid who has issues n must talk them with a teacher … It’s very hard on me that partApril 30, 2012 11:58 pm at 11:58 pm #871729FashionableeMember
This sounds like a complicated situation, but standard advice for people with anxiety:
Breathing exercises (google it)
Read the book “Letting Go of Stress”, by Miller E.
Try and get good professional help.May 1, 2012 12:59 am at 12:59 am #871730
Find someone who is professional, yet sensitive to your needs.
I have a friend that had similar attacks. Found someone and really got helped.
Professional without being sensitive, is not good enough. Sensitive without being professional is not good either. You should look for someone that has both.May 1, 2012 3:00 am at 3:00 am #871731
2cents:what you said in your last paragraph was so smart and correct. The reason I became so attached to this rebbe was partially bc he wasnt a profffssional and way to sensitive to my feeelings. whenever I needed him instead of making me get over, wtvr was givin me anxiety, by myself he would always give in and allow me to spend time with him to the point where I needed him almost the whole day!
takewhatlifegivesyou:What grade are u in? mesivta? our situations are different but still probably very similar in many ways…i’m in 3rd year bais medrash and I became dependent on the mashkiach of the yeshiva…& i meant evn if u think ppl are looking at u and reaalize the situation your going through you must realize its not true! nobody notices. Are u doing anything trying to prevent the situation from getting worse? even more out of hand? the earlier u start to break away from this terrible feeling the better off you’ll be thats what i have learnt bc right now u are deep in this hole and it might be very hard for you to get out of it. But the faster you begin to pull yourself out and start to break away to make it a noamal relationship the better off you’ll be bc you want to be in control…thats forsure if you dont back off a little soon then your rebbe is going to be the one that’ll throw you off and i’m only telling u this for your own good its going to get to the point where he’ll need you to stop being so attached to him. if he is the one that throws u off, as oppose to u breaking off extremly slowly but surely, it’ll hurt u very much. you will feel very bad and its going to be much harder to get over it…You must take coontrol! you must start even tommorrow to break off.May 1, 2012 3:10 am at 3:10 am #871732
I’m really looking into help but dnt want someone who just will have some initials after their name n try to just diagnose me at the first visit I need someone personable and sensitive yet goodMay 1, 2012 3:17 am at 3:17 am #871733
ye im in mesivta…our situations are lil bit different but not really. in my case i have a reason for being so attached because my life at this point is VERY DIFFICULT. not the type that im making up problems… i got to know this rebbe this year and he is the reason im surviving! i tell him all the time that im so thankful i have him etc. without this rebbe i would feel like a ghost and a nobody. he gives me some meaning to life and i respect him more than anyone in the world. that is why its so hard to break off because breaking off means going back to a world of more than necessary pain! and ur right about people not realizing what im going thru! totally true!! i dont speak to him that often like have a lengthy conversation( happens prob 2x a month maybe) but i often see him in the hall and will ask him a quick something thats on my mind or he’ll ask me how im doing… do u think thats so bad? cuz u make it sound like i MUST break off immediately but that to me wud mean killing me completely!May 1, 2012 3:59 am at 3:59 am #871734
No I dont think u hav to immediately break off. My mistake I was understnding ur situation to be more serious then u are now describing it. YOu inky talk to this rebbe at length ur sayin twice a month…Thats nothing compared to wat i was doing. I was talking to this rabbbi, hanging in his office with him, going on his errands with him, and sometimes i wasnt in yeshiva just bc he wasnt there! u see my situation was much more serious then yours…You could stay connected with this rabbbi w/o brking off ur relationship but u must stop feeling like w/o him your life is over, and worth nothing bc thats totally not true. You are in yeshiva and you are learning thereby strengthening your connection with Hashem and the reason you are in this world is to serve Hashem. If you are learning you are building ur connetion therefore helping your reason for being in this world. Im sure there is a lot more good that you do….So no dont break up ur close relatioship with this rebbe that you find special in your life. A good peice of advice that i can tell u has worked for me is try rationalizing with yourself over situations…lets say your in this rebbes sshiur and he is talking to another bochur answering his q’s and he compliments that bochur for asking a vg question and you start feeling that jealousy burning up inside of u talk to yourself this will put YOU in control! tell yourself y you should not feel this way and y these thoughts are irrational. it will probably feel wierd in the beginning like that ur talking to yourself and giving yourself advice…calming yourself down.. but you will see that after a few times this will eventually change your feelings and you’ll god willing eventually automatically realize in your mind y these feeelings are irrational and they wont even come to hurt u anymore! this is going to be the most amazing feeling. Why do u say that w/o this rebbe ur life feeels like nothing? i know thats not really true maybe you are just giving yourself that excuse so u hav a reason to turn to this rebbe for help but b4 u go to him tell yourself that i am not worthless w/o this rebbes help. He will be there for me whenever i truly need him and i dont have to proclaim my life worthless w/o him… bc I just want to hav a connection w/ him… my life is worth a lot and i am a gr8 person either way and i cud still talk to him…But bottom line y do u say ur life is worthless anyway? i dont think u really hav a true answer do u?May 1, 2012 4:40 am at 4:40 am #871735
I just want to thank you first of all for taking the lengthy amount of time out of ur life to help me with my problem it means a lot. So basically my life at this point is surrounded by so much bad but besides for the bad it’s surrounded with unimaginable pain! I feel as if I dnt matter bec if I did god wudnt put me thru so much yesurim! As hard as I try to improve myself as a good jew I find that hashem keeps piling on the pain therefor causing me to just feel worthless and low. Ik it’s wrong to feel this way but I can’t help it. This rebbe gives me some sense of meaning and I feel like he uplifts me every time we talk. He inspires me a lot. I am so low at this point I can’t daven I feel like why shud I praise hashem for all the pain but dnt get me wrong I know this is completely and utterly wrong of me but I’m trying to daven more. Just curious but was there a specific reason as to why u wud go to this rebbe so often? Like did u have a problem he helped u deal with or did u just enjoy his company? Thanx for ur amazing advice and I intend to apply it as soon as the situation occurs.May 1, 2012 4:46 am at 4:46 am #871736lakewhutParticipant
the best way would be to tackle your anxiety issues head on, not avoid it. I was a nervous wreck during the last quarter of 2011.May 1, 2012 4:55 am at 4:55 am #871737
Also, just curious, r u still dealing with this problem of urs? Cuz from the amazing info ur giving me it seems like ur headed on ye right track and the problem is sort of behind u…May 1, 2012 12:21 pm at 12:21 pm #871738
I have gotten a lot better and have gone for proffenssional help.Thats why i know so much and have so much advice for you. I keep hearing from you that you feel low and you feel like Hashem is giving you so much pain one after the other…Could u be a litttle more specific? what pains are u realy going through that you ‘need’ this rebbe’s help w/? also u cant ever have anything against Hashem. Hashem is your source of everything! You can only thank hashem to the best of your ability even if it means at the end of your shmone esrei ttyl gotta goMay 1, 2012 2:48 pm at 2:48 pm #871739
Help is out there, I am sure that are people or organizations that can refer you.
I really think that you should find someone, that can gear you in the right direction and help you cope.
You still have a life ahead of you.May 2, 2012 5:40 am at 5:40 am #871740
I am very scared n nervous about professional help because I cannot see myself opening up to a therapist etc. just curious, do u mind tellin me like what professional was able to assist u? And I told u I know I am totally wrong for having something against hashem n I’m trying to improve. And yes my pain is immense n I cannot describe it here …May 2, 2012 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #871741
Dont be scared.
they know (if they are competent) that you are nervous. They make you feel comfortable.
If you are interested, I can give you a reference from someone that is located more upstate.
Remember, it really pays. You can have a wonderful great life!
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