March 26, 2019 7:12 am at 7:12 am #1701519
How about them meeting at chasunas in a kosher fashion??March 26, 2019 12:28 pm at 12:28 pm #1701906BigBRISKetParticipant
What do you think Rav Dovid would think if he read this? This is mamush an embarrassmentMarch 26, 2019 2:45 pm at 2:45 pm #1701993Shnitzy2Participant
You know, it’s a very good idea. I wonder if it could be organized that they could meet in a monitored place without booze or loud music and just hang out and talk.
Brisket: you’re too closed minded. Go check out a nice sunshine or somethingMarch 26, 2019 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm #1702019
Who’s Rav dovid??March 26, 2019 7:30 pm at 7:30 pm #1702556TomimTihyehParticipant
Kingston and Eastern ParkwayMarch 26, 2019 9:29 pm at 9:29 pm #1702578HaimyParticipant
This idea assumes there’s not enough dating for boys as well as girls.
There is no shidduch crisis for boys, only for girls. Most boys have more than enough girls to date & they are getting married. It’s the girls who are not getting enough dates because there are more girls than boys of marriagable age.
Why would a serious boy hang out with random girls when he has a list of shidduchim waiting for him to go out on a date?
The non serious boys might love this idea, but I doubt it will bring the results we want.March 26, 2019 9:30 pm at 9:30 pm #1702605Doing my bestParticipant
We call it dating.March 26, 2019 10:59 pm at 10:59 pm #1702627
Doing my best – many boys are pushing off dating for various reasons (Yeshiva,college…) which is increasing the shidduch crisis!!!March 27, 2019 7:34 am at 7:34 am #1702733MRS PLONYParticipant
But the whole point of shudduchim (as opposed to social dating) is that the shadchan clears the two parties so that people who have dissimilar worldviews don’t accidentally meet and form an emotional attachment (resulting in heartache), and also so that a non-interested party can avoid having to hurt someone’s feelings when turning down an undesirable potential partner.March 27, 2019 7:35 am at 7:35 am #1702743jdbParticipant
This varies by community. Some allow some mixing during chasunas, some encourage it, some don’t allow it at all.March 27, 2019 7:39 am at 7:39 am #1702778adocsParticipant
Surprised we haven’t heard from Joseph yet.
“It is completely assur for boys and girls to hang out together”March 27, 2019 8:42 am at 8:42 am #1702785LOTR92Participant
This idea has 2 pros, 1 con that I can see. Pro #1 is people can find Shidduchim themselves, instead of only other people finding it for them, increasing potential Shidduchim, because there are more people looking out for potential matches. Pro #2 is boys don’t know how to act around girls, and girls don’t know how to act around boys. There is no way for to know how to act with the other because for the most part they never had any contact with the opposite gender. That’s not a bad thing, but in this case it is a big block to get around. Limited hanging out could help them get around that block. The con is boys will be boys, girls will be girls mixing them together can have obvious results, but with proper planning I think it could work.March 27, 2019 9:12 am at 9:12 am #1702819
There is a letter from R’ Yosef Breuer zt”l regarding the issue of mixed seating at weddings. He wrote that it is completely permissible, but he understands that people want to be machmir. However, even if you are machmir, he said that specifically young people who are of marriageable age should have mixed seating at weddings, since mitzvah goreres mitzvah, and shidduchim could come from it.March 27, 2019 9:31 am at 9:31 am #1702830
Damoshe-muttar?!?!March 27, 2019 10:43 am at 10:43 am #1702899
Freddfish, I’m not sure what you’re asking.March 27, 2019 11:58 am at 11:58 am #1702924Shnitzy2Participant
I know someone who found his wife by a chance meeting at the mechitza…it does workMarch 27, 2019 1:51 pm at 1:51 pm #1703074
Damoshe- rabbi Breuer really wrote mixed seating is permissible?!?!March 27, 2019 2:33 pm at 2:33 pm #1703094ClearKopParticipant
To think that HBH will allow klal yisroel to minimize certain tzaros through controversial methods is quite unlikely to me. If you’re doing reasonable hishtadlus (not shmuzing with some random girls) leave the rest up to hashem and stick to kosher methods. I dont know rav breuer but i cant imagine any rav or posek i know of making such a statementMarch 27, 2019 3:11 pm at 3:11 pm #1703130
Yes, R’ Breuer wrote it. Do some research, it’s not hard to find.March 28, 2019 11:59 am at 11:59 am #1703517rationalParticipant
Placing unmarried men and women at the same table at a wedding is a terrific idea. I’m all in favor. Much good will come of it.March 28, 2019 1:48 pm at 1:48 pm #1703679Me12345Participant
Is there any reason that a girl cant get ahold of a boys resume to do research before getting a “yes” from a boy? It doesnt make sense that a boy has to say yes firstMarch 28, 2019 2:02 pm at 2:02 pm #1703669
Thx rational I’m glad to see someone else agrees with me!!!!March 28, 2019 2:17 pm at 2:17 pm #1703691GadolhadorahParticipant
Encourage young women to apply for membership in the Kiddush club. After throwing back one or two “L’chaims “, minor issues as to looks, hashkafah, etc. will tend to fade into the background and they can focus on important stuff. Otherwise, forego all the chumrahs we seek to impose on the natural and normal process of people meeting, conversing, deciding themselves whether they want to schedule a follow up “date” etc. We have created such an absurd overlay of rigid matchup protocols, needless intermediaries (aka shadchanim) and perceived pressures (aka “shidduch crisis”) that its amazing we are getting some many successful chassanahsMarch 28, 2019 2:29 pm at 2:29 pm #1703698sissel613_Participant
Years ago there was always mixed seating–I see nothing wrong with young men and women meeting like that. There was no shidduch crisis then. It’s only now that so many chumras have been put on the socializing that we have a shidduch crisis.March 28, 2019 2:35 pm at 2:35 pm #1703700anon1m0usParticipant
ClearKop- HKH did not create this issue. Its manmade and man needs to fix it. When we had the last shidduch crises in Navi, HBH had Tu Bav where boys watched women dance and that’s how they selected their wives. I doubt that would pass todayMarch 28, 2019 3:46 pm at 3:46 pm #1703962MenoParticipant
There was no shidduch crisis then.
Sure there was, there was just no Coffee Room then, so nobody knew about the shidduch crisis.
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