Any kosher ideas for boys and girls to hang out together = solve shiduch crisis?

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Viewing 26 posts - 1 through 26 (of 26 total)
  • Author
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  • #1701519

    Freddyfish
    Participant

    How about them meeting at chasunas in a kosher fashion??

    #1701906

    BigBRISKet
    Participant

    What do you think Rav Dovid would think if he read this? This is mamush an embarrassment

    #1701993

    Shnitzy2
    Participant

    You know, it’s a very good idea. I wonder if it could be organized that they could meet in a monitored place without booze or loud music and just hang out and talk.
    Brisket: you’re too closed minded. Go check out a nice sunshine or something

    #1702019

    Freddyfish
    Participant

    Who’s Rav dovid??

    #1702556

    TomimTihyeh
    Participant

    Kingston and Eastern Parkway

    #1702578

    Haimy
    Participant

    This idea assumes there’s not enough dating for boys as well as girls.
    There is no shidduch crisis for boys, only for girls. Most boys have more than enough girls to date & they are getting married. It’s the girls who are not getting enough dates because there are more girls than boys of marriagable age.
    Why would a serious boy hang out with random girls when he has a list of shidduchim waiting for him to go out on a date?
    The non serious boys might love this idea, but I doubt it will bring the results we want.

    #1702605

    Doing my best
    Participant

    We call it dating.

    #1702627

    Freddyfish
    Participant

    Doing my best – many boys are pushing off dating for various reasons (Yeshiva,college…) which is increasing the shidduch crisis!!!

    #1702733

    MRS PLONY
    Participant

    But the whole point of shudduchim (as opposed to social dating) is that the shadchan clears the two parties so that people who have dissimilar worldviews don’t accidentally meet and form an emotional attachment (resulting in heartache), and also so that a non-interested party can avoid having to hurt someone’s feelings when turning down an undesirable potential partner.

    #1702743

    jdb
    Participant

    This varies by community. Some allow some mixing during chasunas, some encourage it, some don’t allow it at all.

    #1702778

    adocs
    Participant

    Surprised we haven’t heard from Joseph yet.

    ‘Channeling Joseph’

    “It is completely assur for boys and girls to hang out together”

    #1702785

    LOTR92
    Participant

    This idea has 2 pros, 1 con that I can see. Pro #1 is people can find Shidduchim themselves, instead of only other people finding it for them, increasing potential Shidduchim, because there are more people looking out for potential matches. Pro #2 is boys don’t know how to act around girls, and girls don’t know how to act around boys. There is no way for to know how to act with the other because for the most part they never had any contact with the opposite gender. That’s not a bad thing, but in this case it is a big block to get around. Limited hanging out could help them get around that block. The con is boys will be boys, girls will be girls mixing them together can have obvious results, but with proper planning I think it could work.

    #1702819

    DaMoshe
    Participant

    There is a letter from R’ Yosef Breuer zt”l regarding the issue of mixed seating at weddings. He wrote that it is completely permissible, but he understands that people want to be machmir. However, even if you are machmir, he said that specifically young people who are of marriageable age should have mixed seating at weddings, since mitzvah goreres mitzvah, and shidduchim could come from it.

    #1702830

    Freddyfish
    Participant

    Damoshe-muttar?!?!

    #1702899

    DaMoshe
    Participant

    Freddfish, I’m not sure what you’re asking.

    #1702924

    Shnitzy2
    Participant

    I know someone who found his wife by a chance meeting at the mechitza…it does work

    #1703074

    Freddyfish
    Participant

    Damoshe- rabbi Breuer really wrote mixed seating is permissible?!?!

    #1703094

    ClearKop
    Participant

    To think that HBH will allow klal yisroel to minimize certain tzaros through controversial methods is quite unlikely to me. If you’re doing reasonable hishtadlus (not shmuzing with some random girls) leave the rest up to hashem and stick to kosher methods. I dont know rav breuer but i cant imagine any rav or posek i know of making such a statement

    #1703130

    DaMoshe
    Participant

    Yes, R’ Breuer wrote it. Do some research, it’s not hard to find.

    #1703517

    rational
    Participant

    Placing unmarried men and women at the same table at a wedding is a terrific idea. I’m all in favor. Much good will come of it.

    #1703679

    Me12345
    Participant

    Is there any reason that a girl cant get ahold of a boys resume to do research before getting a “yes” from a boy? It doesnt make sense that a boy has to say yes first

    #1703669

    Freddyfish
    Participant

    Thx rational I’m glad to see someone else agrees with me!!!!

    #1703691

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Encourage young women to apply for membership in the Kiddush club. After throwing back one or two “L’chaims “, minor issues as to looks, hashkafah, etc. will tend to fade into the background and they can focus on important stuff. Otherwise, forego all the chumrahs we seek to impose on the natural and normal process of people meeting, conversing, deciding themselves whether they want to schedule a follow up “date” etc. We have created such an absurd overlay of rigid matchup protocols, needless intermediaries (aka shadchanim) and perceived pressures (aka “shidduch crisis”) that its amazing we are getting some many successful chassanahs

    #1703698

    sissel613_
    Participant

    Years ago there was always mixed seating–I see nothing wrong with young men and women meeting like that. There was no shidduch crisis then. It’s only now that so many chumras have been put on the socializing that we have a shidduch crisis.

    #1703700

    anon1m0us
    Participant

    ClearKop- HKH did not create this issue. Its manmade and man needs to fix it. When we had the last shidduch crises in Navi, HBH had Tu Bav where boys watched women dance and that’s how they selected their wives. I doubt that would pass today

    #1703962

    Meno
    Participant

    There was no shidduch crisis then.

    Sure there was, there was just no Coffee Room then, so nobody knew about the shidduch crisis.

Viewing 26 posts - 1 through 26 (of 26 total)
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