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We’re at a total loss as to what to do next.
Our mainstream BY daughter has not got into any Sems in our European country. Here they go to sem at 16.
Initially we applied for one another daughter had attended and felt it was an excellent fit. We were all shocked when she didn’t get in.
We pushed and pushed but still she has no sem.
We applied to other sems in our country but they are either full or suspicious of taking in a reject.
Our daughter is a good BY girl and has been devastated by all of this. Girls with smartphones and secret boyfriends have all been accepted but not her.
Our next move is to look for something in EY. She’s only 16 and most only take from 17. We’re looking for a small, nurturing environment for her.
Any suggestions?How do you know that the girls who got in have secret boyfriends?
It is a mitzvah for parents to educate their children in Torah, middos, jobs, and work ethics. Especially for girls, Gemora in Kiddushin calls to beautify them for marriage. So, teach her beautiful middos and prepare her for a job that will let her buy herself jewelry.
Find your daughter a job in your town, make sure she works honestly, find a private teacher or teach her yourself in things she needs and wants to learn; compensate her lack of fun with trips to EY and other places. Explain to her that the name of the seminary is used in shidduch resumes to reject people who go to a “wrong” type. Instead, she will be asked “why didn’t you go to seminary” – and you’ll explain and refer to the Talmid or Talmidah chachoma that taught her and knows her so well, and families who do not understand this will happily reject themselves, reducing your workload.
If Rabbi Lazer Brody were here, he would probably say
that both you and your daughter must have emunah
that her not getting into the local seminaries was:
“ALL FOR THE BEST (Gam Zu LeTovah)”, and you both
must believe that G*D has done this for your Ultimate Benefit,
even though we do not understand His plan.AAQ’s response is the best.
Definitely do not send your daughter to EY to seminary.
Source: Partially from having witnessed many, many public displays of bad behavior on the part of seminary girls in EY, and mostly based on Mrs. ZSK’s knowledge of how seminaries work, her experience, and her friends’ experiences.
ZSK, I would not go that far about “definitely” and “bad behavior”. I am sure there are some seminaries and girls that behave and fit each other. Some parents have easier access to such than others … In this case, all I am saying – if there is no good seminary plan, do not get that upset. And, yes, in my family also, Mrs AAQ is more negative on seminaries than I. Knowledge is grief 🙂
But based on feedback from friends of our daughters, they are mostly happy post-sem, but at the same time, I was not able to draw from them any unique Torah or middos that they acquired. They got some confidence and some teacher they feel comfortable calling regarding hashkofas, but this seems mostly because they did not discuss life seriously in high school and home.
Maybe she can start working and instead of going to cluquey institution that brainwashws her to think one way about life and instead let her learn from real life how to be a decent person
Sometimes a door is closed because thats not what G-d wants. Eretz yisroel is an option but I sense she should stay home. Far way from freedom that will destroy her. Let her learn proper homemaking and work ethic by staying close to home.
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