I could really use some good humourous jokes if ayone has any
A rabbi was giving his first sermon at the inauguration of the new shul. The sanctuary had wonderful new stained glass windows, so he wanted to craft his sermon to highlight the new windows, and also talk about how the new shul should serve as an important place to educate the children of the community. The rabbi’s message centered on how each child is like a canvas, a picture, just like each pane of stained glass.
And then he said, “You see each one of you is a little pane.” And then pointing to each child, “You’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And…”
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat’s milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
“This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr.”
“This is my second son. He is a martyr also.”
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully, “They blow up so fast, don’t they?”
A rabbi was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.
The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked “What are you doing with that dog?”
One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”
Of course, the rabbi was taken aback. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie,” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”
There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the rabbi was beginning to think he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, give him the dog.”
Two chassidish teenagers decide that they had enough and they’re going off the derech. The first boy said to the second ” Meet me on the corner of 13th ave on motzei shabboss and make sure to dress up like a goy!”
On motzei shabboss they met at the corner and the first one was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and no yartmulka and the second one came in his bekeshe and gartel and hat. The first friend said ” What happened? I told you to dress like a goy!”
The second friend answered “Don’t vorry, I have a pack of gum in my pocket!”
The answer is, so far, no. (OK, maybe the one where the rabbi gets the dog.)
if you made politicians predict the weather and the weather forecasters predict the elections their results would be the same accurate…