June 27, 2011 12:28 am at 12:28 am #597649
My 7 yr old daughter keeps asking me this question and I keep brushing her off hoping she will move on to something else, but she is persistent and demands an answer. Well, it’s a reasonable, and rather adult question, so I suppose an answer is forthcoming. I know one is allowed to, nay, is encouraged to lie for the sake of peace. I have also heard that if one is davening for the amud during yimai sefirah and he realizes that he missed a day and therefore should not be saying sefirah with a brachah. Never the less he is allowed to say it with a brachah because of kavod habrious. I am not sure if this is correct, but the question remains, is one permitted to lie to spare himself embarrassment?
What if it has no bearing on the other party and does not affect anyone adversely for example if the person asking the question is just plain curious or nosy and the truth has no bearing on him but is embarrassing to you?June 27, 2011 12:34 am at 12:34 am #780932deiyezoogerMember
Never lie to your children, they can smell it from 100 miles. However you can say “this is not for children to know”.June 27, 2011 3:56 am at 3:56 am #780933yummy cupcakeMember
ABSOLUTE NO! i just learned this in sem last yr. i don’t have the exact source with me now, but i could look it up tomorrow and post it here. there are only very few exceptions as to when you are allowed to lie. one is for someone else’s shalom. under no circumstances can you lie to save yourself from embarrassment. i’ll be back tomorrow IY”H to post.June 27, 2011 2:35 pm at 2:35 pm #780934
“one is for someone else’s shalom”
Why should you be allowed to lie for s/o else’s shalom but not for your own?June 27, 2011 3:03 pm at 3:03 pm #780935
Don’t lie to children. Period.
That doesn’t mean that you have to answer their every question either. There are certain things where you can say “It’s a topic for adults and I’ll talk to you about it a bit more when you are older.”
The WolfJune 27, 2011 4:06 pm at 4:06 pm #780936kakoParticipant
“I have also heard that if one is davening for the amud during yimai sefirah and he realizes that he missed a day and therefore should not be saying sefirah with a brachah. Never the less he is allowed to say it with a brachah because of kavod habrious”
I have never heard of such a thing and seriously doubt this is the halacha. Check your sources.June 27, 2011 4:14 pm at 4:14 pm #780937minyan galMember
Not knowing the topic of the question she is asking makes it difficult to craft an answer. Is there some way that you can answer part of her question, give her enough of the answer to satisfy her for now or water down the answer until it is at her age level and level of understanding? If none of these suggestions are appropriate, you may need to tell her she is just too young to know this information. But, do not lie. It sounds as if she is very clever and she will be able to spot a lie in an instant.June 27, 2011 6:11 pm at 6:11 pm #780938HaLeiViParticipant
Yes, you may. You may lie for Tznius, humility, to save someone trouble, and of course, peace. You may wiggle the truth to avoid getting stuck arguing with someone when you know he won’t let up. The Gemara has many instances where Amoraim said things and the Gemara says it was only to save himself from embarrasment.June 27, 2011 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #780939
You may lie for Tznius,
What possible reason could there be to lie to a seven year old for tznius? Far better to tell her that either (a) she is currently too young for the information or (b) the information is none of her business*.
I’ve used both answers with my children.
* Said more nicely, of course.June 27, 2011 6:42 pm at 6:42 pm #780940gavra_at_workParticipant
Assuming the question is of an “Adult” nature (as the MPAA would put it), the gemora already states that one may lie in regards to these items. However, realize you may be better off explaining things when younger, so that the information becomes normal before it becomes Ta’avadik.June 27, 2011 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #780941☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
What possible reason could there be to lie to a seven year old for tznius?
I don’t think the OP’s question was specifically about lying to a 7 year old, I think it was a 7 year old who asked a general question.
And the gemara itself discusses lying for tznius – relating to matters between husband and wife.June 27, 2011 7:01 pm at 7:01 pm #780942
I realize I was not clear in asking my question. My 7 year old asked whether it is ok for her to lie in order to save herself embarrassment. I do not know the answer and was interested to hear input from the members of the cr. Sorry for the confusion.June 27, 2011 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #780943
And the gemara itself discusses lying for tznius – relating to matters between husband and wife.
I understood that. My point was in context to a seven year old. In that regard, there is no reason to lie. You can either say “you’re not old enough to discuss this” or “none of your business.”
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