Arranged Marriages

רב מנגיד דמקדש בלא שידוכי, קידושין יב

Rational: In Hebrew, “arranged” would be “mesudar”, which suggests organized. The word shidduch applies just as much to a professional matchmaker involving people who hardly know each other (common only among the self-perceived aristocratic types), to friends and relations that make a shidduch (roughly a very heavy blind date, since the preliminary exchange of information that take up the first few dates for goyim are done before hand), to the phrase that “HaShem made the shidduch” which would suggest a random event but Jews hold that nothing that happens in this world is ever random or by coincidence.

Among the goyim, arranged marriages usually involved children who were requried to marry for political, economic and dynastic reasons and the children involved were expect to be compliant (and in many if not most cases, the managed to fall in love and live happy lives until one of them died of something like a mild infection or childbirth as was common back them). If you learned humash Berishis and remeber Rivka Imeinu, you would know that “arranged marriages” without the parties consent are not allowed,

Assur according to the Gemara. The couple has to have a choice and they must meet beforehand.

The Satmar Rebbe Reb Yoel ZT”L put a stop to the practice many moons ago, but many Chassidim unfortunately refused to listen to his psak.

@Joseph Then that’s not arranged. They always have a choice, even if they’re pressured into making it.

Arranged marriages work when the person you are looking for isn’t supposed to be your soulmate, just play the role of momme to your tatte.

All marriages are arranged.

Someone has to reserve the hall, caterer, photographer etc…

Can you imagine getting married without arranging any of that?

LerntminTayrah, “There’s a famous maaseh about the Satmar Rebbe speaking with Rav Bick. The Satmar Rebbe was upset tha tcouples were meeting 8 times before getting engaged instead of 2. ”

Addition to the story: The Statmar Rebbe Z’L quoted possuk “Katzyi m’bnei Chais” (Rivka told Yaakov I am disgusted with the people of Chais – so get a shidduch elsewhere), using it as a witty pun Chais = 8 in Hebrew, that he, The Rebbe is disgusted with the people of “eight” dates.

I’m fully aware of his witty pun. But the Torah is not for witty puns.

Gedolim, Rishonim onward to pokim in Sh”t, use puns/double meanings from psukim to highlight a point.

(a famed T’shuva about lulovim merkovim – grafted palms used for lulovim quotes the possuk “zonsa Tamar” – Yehuda’s daughter-in-law Tamar also means palm tree).

There are even puns in Gemarah!

(example, Pesochim 9b about the concern that a weasel may drag chometz around the house and leave it in a spot already checked for chometz, the Gemara asks: וכי חולדה נביאה היא, as a pun on the name Chulda HaNeveah)

The Rishonim or Gemara held that they could use Torah “for witty puns” of Torah, but you must have higher standards than they.

The famed teshuva (which you likely are unaware of) about lulovim merkovim was a dispute between Mahari Segel and the Geonim of his time, he asked Rabbeinu Peretz to support him, Rabbenu Peretz replied with witty puns:
,רבים אומרים זנתה תמר
ואני יחיד, מה אענה מה אומר
עליך, פרץ, להפוך בזכותה
אמך היא – לא תגלה ערוותה
Several pesukim were used as puns.

The Rash uses the pasuk לא המתים יהללו י-ה to allude to the dead dry arba minim being pasul to use. By chametz we find שלך אי אתה רואה אבל אתה רואה של אחרים ושל גבוה people don’t see there own sins but see the sins of others and certainly the sins of the holy. אין אדם רואה את נגעי עצמו a person doesn’t see his own faults.
( וכל הפוסל במומו פוסל (קידושין ע, ב whoever degrades the other person does it with his own faults.

There is plenty of punning and wordplay in the Chumash itself.

Among the Courts of many Chassidic Rebbes today, arranged marriages usually involve children who are required to marry for political, economic and dynastic reasons and the children involved are expected to be compliant.

Moderator: need to edit reply #1710987

First keep the basics in everything and then think of doing more.

Is learning mussar (and in case you are Chabad – learning Chassidus) and following the teachings of mussar (or chassidus) – is that basics or is that אל תצדק הרבה?