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January 9, 2015 2:07 am at 2:07 am #1133485hodulashemParticipant
I have not been in shidduchim long enough to be sensitive about my age… but i was very excited to see that ppl are discussing the issue of not getting back to a girl after asking her for information… It is the most frustrating thing when someone says “i have an idea for you, please send me your resume.” and then never ever mention it ever again! This has happened with quite a few of my coworkers! They pull me over to the side, ask me for my number, call me in the evening, drill me about what i’m looking for, tell me about some incredible guy they have in mind, give me their email address, text me 3 minutes later that they didn’t receive it, say “oh yeah i got it, thanks! I’ll be in touch!” and then….. i see them every single school-day after that for months and months and they never again mention a word about it and i’m just left WONDERING!! did she end up redting it? did the guy look into me? did she decide it wasn’t shayach? did the guy decide it wasn’t shayach? I can handle a guy saying “no”! I’d rather not go out with someone that isn’t my bashert! the rejection doesn’t hurt me… it’s that feeling of “what ever happened to that?” i’m just left wondering and hanging…. and every time i see that person, i wonder all over again! it doesn’t help that i see them every day!
so if we’re talking about redting shidduchim in a sensitive way, and not wanting to hurt either party… PLEASE get back to us if you mention something! It’s like starting a conversation and never finishing it- and it’s extremely uncomfortable!!
Thank you to all those that put in the effort! it is greatly appreciated!January 9, 2015 3:40 pm at 3:40 pm #1133486PosterMember
hodulashem, I totally understand you, and believe me I did have something in mind when I asked for a resume. The idea I had in mind is not shayach, but I am desp trying to find someone else for this teacher. Before I get back to her, and make us both feel uncomfortable, I want to see if I can get something going.January 21, 2016 9:32 pm at 9:32 pm #1133487HashemisreadingParticipant
I think it depends if your asking because you really have a shidduch in mind, or if your just curious.January 25, 2016 3:28 am at 3:28 am #1133488
Poster -“but I am desp trying to find someone else for this teacher.”
Why? There are lots of single men out there, besides me!
The problem is if you want to get married – you have to compromise. Throw out your list. It just gets harder once you’re married.January 25, 2016 4:26 am at 4:26 am #1133489The QueenParticipant
“When I think of an idea for a possible shidduch, I’m always torn between making the call, or being smart and banishing the thought before I go near the phone. It’s no use wishing singles (and their parents) were less sensitive; I can’t think of a more sensitive issue! Even with the best of intentions the possibility of bruising feelings is exponentially greater than the possibility of bringing two people together.”
So true! there is a shidduch that was thought of over a year ago for 2 older singles, but no one has the courage to redt it, for fear of insulting somebody.January 25, 2016 12:42 pm at 12:42 pm #1133490
Health single means never married.January 25, 2016 3:33 pm at 3:33 pm #1133491MammeleParticipant
The Queen: how sad. Do you think if you’d ask the singles their preference would be NOT TO HAVE IT REDT TO THEM? If you’re too close to them to suggest it without risk to your relationship find someone else to do it. But don’t stall!January 25, 2016 4:03 pm at 4:03 pm #1133492
Goq -“Health single means never married.”
Just because you never got married – it doesn’t change the definition!
1.a : not marriedJanuary 26, 2016 2:03 am at 2:03 am #1133493The QueenParticipant
Mammele: ” If you’re too close to them to suggest it without risk to your relationship find someone else to do it. But don’t stall!”
There are 2 shidduchim that I spoke to several people trying to get it redt. No one wanted to do it, it is simply so way out of their comfort zone.
I feel very sorry for the singles in question and tried pursuing it several times. Read what the singles in this thread have to say, just about asking their age, and then please try to understand the point of view, of a queen who is quietly raising her children, minding her own business, and not looking to hurt anyone or make enemies.
I actually met one of the singles in question at a chasunah, and thought to myself, if I have an opening, I’ll take the plunge and mention the idea. But Miss single looked so vulnerable and fragile to me, I was afraid to bring it up and make her “miserabler”.
What do you think, singles want to be redt shidduchim everywhere they go? What if she goes home and cries into her pillow all night because she can’t even attend a cousin’s chasunah without encountering “yentas” ….
It is really a hard situation.January 26, 2016 5:01 am at 5:01 am #1133494
Health we all know what single means and it does not mean divorced.January 26, 2016 5:16 am at 5:16 am #1133495
Goq -“Health we all know what single means and it does not mean divorced”
You can post what you want, but it doesn’t change the definition.
The definition of single is “not married”, whether divorced or Never married, like you!January 26, 2016 5:38 am at 5:38 am #1133496👑RebYidd23Participant
Single in this usage has multiple definitions that are not covered by Webster’s dictionary. Including not currently married, never married, and not married or dating.January 26, 2016 5:56 am at 5:56 am #1133497MammeleParticipant
The Queen: how sad. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why we do need professional Shadchanim, or perhaps you can suggest it to a parent as a buffer?
Can the older singles here please enlighten us (disclaimer: they may not be as sensitive as the friend you mentioned) if they’d be offended in the following scenario: You meet an acquaintance at a family wedding, she chats with you a little and then mentions “I was actually thinking about you lately. I had an idea that may be interesting, give me a call when you have a chance if you want to discuss it.
It’s kind of noisy here, let’s dance…”January 26, 2016 11:56 am at 11:56 am #1133498
So health if you go to a shadchan you describe yourself as single? how do you explain your kids?
I feel no shame at my lack of marital status i am proud of who i am i no longer blame the world for my issues they are mine alone.
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