Baal teshevua starting shidduchim

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    Im a Baal teshuva about to start shidduchim and I’m seeking some advice.

    How does it work with the shadchan? I gave my info to a few shadchans during the past few months. They sent me a few resumes. I checked references and I want to go out with one. What’s the next step? Does the shadchan set it up or do I call the girl? What’s the whole process like?

    I’m new to all of this and I’m without a support system.

    Tizku limitzvot


    Everything strictly goes through the shadchan for the first five or so dates.

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    It varies. You should ask the shadchan what the expectation is.


    Lior, your answer is only partially correct; you’re describing the circumstances in a limited part of the yeshiva world.

    Njs, please take DY’s advice. When you decide to go out with one of the girls whose resumes you received, simply call the shadchan. The shadchan will best be able to guide you and advise you how to proceed.

    Wishing you much Hatzlacha!


    Once you agree to go out with a girl, the shadchan will present your info, often in the form of a resume, to the girl’s side. If she agrees, you will then go out. Hatzlacha!


    I would say to contact someone at the Oorah Rebbitzins program and see if they can help you. Ideally, you should find someone who you have known since you started keeping shabbos that you can really trust to help you out as well. Before consulting anyone though about your shidduchim, I would see if you can find someone who can vouch for their ability to have helped them personally. I have been on a similar boat for the past year or so and its not easy.


    I heard rechnitz gives you a bottle of scotch older than the girl, but you should def call rechnitz and confirm.

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