Bad Friends

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  • #1241685

    jhonny appleseed
    Participant

    I’m part of a group of friends whom i love and understand and wish to stay friends with 4ever! The problem is i know that they are bad friends for me and are bringing me down but i still love them! My mom and school found out about this and are doing everything in their power to stop the friendship! My mom said that she’d rather me stay home for the rest of the year than go back to school to be with those girls! I’m totally phsyched with this because as i’ve mentioned a couple times before that i HATE school but it’s still hard to get away from these friends cuz they’re gonna call and call me till i answer…… they won’t give up on me so fast! Also it’s boring to be home by myself a whole day! What should i do?????

    #1241730

    Joseph
    Participant

    Mom’s right.

    #1241729

    rebshidduch
    Participant

    jhonny, listen to your parents. Do not ruin your live.

    #1241737

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    There is 1 voice and -1 posts in this thread!!! What???

    #1241740

    YW Moderator-25
    Moderator

    There is 1 voice and -1 posts in this thread!!! What???

    The new system counts Jospeh as negative. That may or may not have been intentional.

    #1241741

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    okay, as soon as I posted, the number went up to 1 post!

    JA – it’s great to hear from you!! I was starting to worry about you – we hadn’t heard from you in so long. I was about to start a thread asking how you were.

    I don’t know what to tell you. It’s a tough situation. The best is to try to find a way to get friends who ARE good for you. You need friends, but you need good ones – not ones that are bad for you.

    Sitting at home all day is not a good choice. I would suggest you continue going to school but try to stay away from these girls, and try to make other friends.

    Have you discussed this with your social worker? Maybe she has a good idea.

    Rebshidduch – great advice! Shkoyach!

    Edited

    #1241743

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    25 – you’ve only been here a few weeks, and you already think it’s acceptable to put Joseph down?

    #1241746

    YW Moderator-25
    Moderator

    There’s a whole section in the YW Moderator Training Manual about that

    #1241751

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “There’s a whole section in the YW Moderator Training Manual about that”

    I figured there must be.

    #1241767

    The little I know
    Participant

    I do not have an answer to the dilemma. But I do note that the efforts of schools and parents to control the friends of their student/child are nearly always wasted. Having made many observations, what typically happens is that the kid simply takes the friendships underground, where there will be the same amount of companionship, just without getting caught. It is sad that parents and mechanchim are subject to the delusion that their efforts are accomplishing something while they are completely futile.

    In fact, the range of restrictions placed on adolescents is extreme, and few, if any, are successful ingredients of chinuch. In reality, one who works on helping the kids see the beauty of following mitzvos, appreciating Shabbos, davening, learning, etc., is far more likely to produce a happy child who stays “on the derech”. The rod spoils here, and the obsession with discipline is fruitless pathology.

    #1241773

    TheGoq
    Participant

    “The problem is i know that they are bad friends for me and are bringing me down”

    Nuff said. Why wait until they drag you down to a level you may not recover from stop it now by your own admission they are not good for your neshama. It’s hard at first but trust me you will make other friends ones who bring out the best of you, they may make you feel guilty about separating but you spoke the truth yourself.

    #1241781

    rebshidduch
    Participant

    Lilmod, (jokingly) I guess I lack sechel when it comes to shidduchim but everything else I have shechel for?

    #1242232

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    It’s always much easier to give advice to others. Sometimes the best way to make a decision is by taking yourself out of the situation and imagining it’s someone else’s issue. Imagine that they are asking you for advice – what would you tell them?

    For example, pretend that Johnny Appleseed is in your situation – what advice would you give her?

    Don’t post a response right away – just think about it.

    #1242342

    jhonny appleseed
    Participant

    HELLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!! I just found out that one of these “Friends” is spreading rumors about me to the whole school that i don’t keep shabboss and crazy bizzare things like that!!!!!!!!!! I already stopped talking to that girl since her parents forbade her from talking to us a while ago cuz the principal called her parents………. anyways this whole situation is totally out of hand! And anyways my mother took away the option of me staying home cuz she’s scared of what i’ll do with all that free time so basically i have no choice but to go to school now!!!!!!!!!!! There’s always the option of putting up a fight and not going!!!!!!!!!!

    #1242354

    TheGoq
    Participant

    Right now this seems like a very huge deal but trust me the kind of story you are telling is not at all uncommon for teenagers, many people can recall friends who stabbed them in the back and disagreements with parents, this does not mean you should not be upset (if your sure its true) but life will go on.

    In your mind (entirely, i know this from experience) when you go to school EVERYONE will be talking about you and looking at you this is not true, people will hear all kinds of assorted rumors does that mean they will believe it ? no , and those that do are not worthy of being your friends.

    #1242597

    catch yourself
    Participant

    TLIK – Absolutely true. Depending on your relationship with your child or student (and, of course, their age), there is a limited degree of influence you can have on their choice of friends, or on just about any choice that they will make.

    The objective of Chinuch is not to force specific behaviors, but to implant a value system that will continue to guide your children and students when they are adults. Forcing compliance is generally counterproductive to this goal.

    #1243160

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    JA – that is really upsetting!!! I hate it when I find out that people have been spreading lies about me. I think you should try to listen to Goq’s wise advice. Over the years, I have learned not to care as much about what people say about me. It is important to learn not to care too much about what people say about you.

    It is also important for you to try to find friends who are worthy of you and good for you. Try to stay away from those girls and try to find better friends. Meanwhile, stay strong and keep doing the right thing and no one will believe the mean things people say about you.

    #1243162

    apushatayid
    Participant

    Reminds me of The story with the bobover rebbe z’l (r shlomo) and “vus meint, usimager”. Look it up.

    #1243200

    jhonny appleseed
    Participant

    It’s not just stupid lies and gossip, it’s like things that go against the torah and crazy things like that and now the school found out about it and they are making major problems so it’s bad for the future! Imagine if you called someone for shidduch info and they tell you that this girl didn’t keep shabboss in high school, would you want your son to marry such a girl???????? No you probably wouldn’t! Now you see how serious it is! No jokes!

    Anyways, in other news, my mom finally agreed that i need to switch schools for next year even though it’s only 1 more year! So that is exciting! I have to give a lot of credit to my S.W. 4 that!!

    #1243218

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Great! I’m so happy to hear that you are switching schools! At this point, that really does sound like the best solution for you.

    That is a really upsetting situation! Try to stay strong and focus on all the schar you are getting! You must be getting tons of schar in shamayim for holding on and putting up with all that abuse and remaining Frum despite what others are saying. It says somewhere that a Mitzvah done with yisurim gets 100 times (or maybe it’s a 1000 times) more schar, so you are getting tons of schar!

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